Articles, Blog

What It’s Actually Like To Have The Coronavirus (COVID-19)

February 21, 2020


It’s Christmas time, and instead of spending
time with friends and family, you decide that you’re overdue for some travel. Instead of visiting grandma, or going home
for Christmas dinner just so you can get into political fights with your drunk libertarian
uncle- you decide that this year, you’re taking a ‘me-holiday’, and book yourself a plane
ticket to the heart of China. On your way there you end up missing the heart
by a few thousand kilometers and instead end up in Wuhan, but hey, it’s a new place, a
foreign culture, and it’s all very exciting anyways. Eager to dive into the local Chinese culture,
you hop out of your plane and head to the first place you’ve read about- the Seafood
Wholesale Market. Upon arriving you notice two things: the place
sells a whole lot of land animals for it to be called a “Seafood” market, and most
of those animals are very much alive. In fact, the entire thing is rather macabre
and definitely depressing, you find everything from porcupines to bats to even wolves just
sitting in cages next to freshly skinned corpses of what you can only assume were their former
compatriots. You very quickly decide to end your visit,
realizing you’ve walked head-on into an animal cruelty nightmare, and as you quickly leave
the market you decide that you really need to think your sightseeing through a little
bit more. China is one of the earliest human civilizations,
there’s plenty of cultural wonders to see elsewhere! On the way out of the market though, that’s
when you spot it- a snake slithering along the ground. Except it doesn’t quite look right. Suddenly the snake stops, and starts hacking
and coughing, and you realize- omg (say the letters), that snake is choking! A crowd gathers around the poor, choking snake,
nobody knowing what to do. Lucky for you though, you just got your CPR
certification for your new, totally not depressing job as a mall guard! You’re Johnny-on-the-spot, and leap to the
snake’s help. “Out of the way!”, you cry out, showing
your CPR credentials, as you shove the crowd aside. The snake is gasping now, it’s almost over. You flip the snake on its belly though and
start doing compressions, humming to yourself the tune to “Staying Alive” by the Bee
Gees, exactly as you’ve been trained. This is it, this is your moment. You check the airway and realize there’s no
obstruction, this snake isn’t choking, it’s dying! Not on your watch. You didn’t take a 12 hour public safety course
to earn the coveted mall guard badge in your pocket for nothing. You pry open that snake’s mouth and start
giving it breaths, quickly followed by more compressions. You continue this cycle of breaths and compressions,
working up a fierce sweat. “Live, you snake bastard, live!”, you
cry out. Suddenly, the snake coughs, sputters, and
opens its eyes. It’s alive! Tears of joy flood down your cheeks. The crowd cheers. A pretty lady feints. You’ve done it, you saved this snake’s life. With deep gratitude in its eyes, the snake
looks up at you and whispers, just faintly enough that only you can hear it, “One day,
when you need me the most, I promise I’ll be there.” You leave that market a hero, and hey, you’ve
made a snake friend for life now. Thinking back on that poor snake, you wish
him well and go on about your trip, this time heading to some proper tourist destinations
and having a blast in China. The whole time though, something is seriously
wrong with you and you don’t have even the slightest clue. Deep in the cells of your body, an invader
has taken root. Unknown to you, as you were saving that snake’s
life, it was passing on to you a deadly coronavirus, one of the few that are transmissible between
man and animal. Even worse for you though is this is a brand
new strain of virus, and one that the world is completely unprepared for. The virus inside you is a stealth assassin. It has one job in its short life: to make
as many of itself as possible and then spread its brethren to other hosts. But it can’t get caught, so it’s learned to
remain undetected. You show no symptoms, you feel perfectly fine-
you’re a snake hero after all! But the entire time the deadly virus within
you is busy working. You’re slowly dying from the inside and don’t
even realize it at all. First the virus infects healthy cells, inserting
genetic code into the cell that forces it to start mass producing other copies of the
virus. This uses up all of the cell’s energy and
when it’s all spent up, masses of new viruses burst out of the shriveled up, spent cell
like xenomorphs bursting out of wayward space marine’s chests. Your body fights back, calling in white blood
cells- the heavy hitters of your immune system. The white blood cells are tough, but the virus
is even tougher, and unlucky for them, they’ve never seen anything like this virus before. Normally white blood cells would call for
help from antibodies, but your body has no idea what antibodies to even send. This new virus is like nothing it’s ever faced
before. Your white blood cells are helpless to stop
the infection from growing, and soon you are so filled with the virus that you’re infectious. Every time you wipe your snot, cough into
your hand, or lick a stranger’s plate you’re leaving behind deadly virus, and the worst
part is: you’re completely unaware. You show no symptoms whatsoever! No serious cough, no fever, no headache, no
fatigue- nothing. You continue your trip through China, not
washing your hands after digging for gold in your nose, licking every door knob you
come across- hey, you’re on vacation, anything goes! And the entire time you’re leaving behind
traces of the deadly virus in your veins. Two weeks later, you’re finally on your way
home. As you board the plane you feel a little bit
fatigued, but hey, you just spent your Christmas traveling through the exotic orient, you’re
probably just bushed. You look forward to a nice few days at home
before returning to the daily grind, and to pass the time on the long flight home, you
get into a coughing fight with the kid in front of you. You’re both having so much fun, that soon
the other passengers get in on it! Pretty quickly, the whole plane is laughing
and having a good time with an old fashioned cough fight, everyone doing their best to
cough as hard as they can in each other’s face. A few days later you’re showing up to your
first day at your exciting new mall guard job- but you don’t feel so well. You’ve got a headache and you’re developing
a nasty cough. Well, you did just travel internationally,
you probably picked up a small bug somewhere, it wouldn’t be completely unprecedented. You ignore your symptoms and take to your
duties as the first, last, and only line of mall defense against shoplifters and Karens
who complain about their expired coupons not being accepted. You’ve got a runny nose by now, but no big
deal- you make sure to wipe away the boogers every time you have to give CPR or shake someone’s
hand. You know you really should be washing your
hands frequently, especially since you’ve been coughing and sneezing into them a whole
lot lately, but hey, the life of a mall guard is a high-stakes, high-pressure gambit, and
mall crime doesn’t take any breaks so neither can you. At the end of your first week at your job
you definitely aren’t feeling well at all. Your cough has gotten pretty severe, so bad
it’s starting to hurt when you cough. You’ve got a full-blown fever and your uniform
sleeve is practically dripping with all the mucus you’ve wiped on it through the course
of your day. Plus people are starting to complain that
their CPR tastes like snot. You know you have to ask for some sick time
off, even though that’s really not a good look for someone who’s literally just started
their job. Your boss agrees, the CPR-snot complaints
have reached his desk. “Take some time off kid, you can’t fight
mall crime unless you’re at your best.”, your grizzled veteran of a boss says in between
bites of food court Panda Express orange chicken. As you get home though, your vision starts
to swim. Your fever is spiking, and you’re pretty sure
you could cook an egg on your forehead. You drag yourself to the hospital, and as
you walk into the emergency room you collapse in the lobby. When you wake up you’re laying in a hospital
bed with an IV in your arms, dripping fluids into your body. The virus has put your body into overdrive,
and you’re pretty dehydrated. You’ve been given various cough suppressants
and medications for your fever, but they’re barely doing anything. To your alarm, on the second day of your stay,
the doctor comes into your room wearing a full-body plastic suit that exposes only his
face, which is itself covered by a surgical mask. They wrap your bed in a plastic sheet as the
doctor informs you that you’ve been diagnosed with something strange- a coronavirus they’ve
never encountered before. Given your state, the doctors fear that you’ve
infected many of the medical staff, and so they have been quarantined as well in the
hospital’s other rooms. Your condition worsens by the day, the virus
is replicating completely out of control now- what started off as one little hitchhiker
has turned into billions upon billions of copies. A man enters your room in a full-body contamination
suit. He sits by your bed and identifies himself
as working for the Centers For Disease Control and Prevention. The CDC is America’s frontline defense against
disease, even though they forgot to add the P from Prevention to their acronym. There’s no time for that, the man says as
you point out that fact. He has to know where you picked up this strange
virus, and who you may have been in contact with that could now be infected. Reluctantly, you start back at the beginning,
telling him about your impromptu trip to China’s Wuhan. You tell him about the seafood market that
definitely sold more land animals than seafood. You tell him about the dying snake and the
CPR you administered. You tell him about the giant cough fight you
started on the plane ride back. The man pats your hand, “That was a brave
thing you did, giving that snake CPR- but we’re afraid that you’ve been infected by
an animal-born coronavirus. The snake you saved, it passed it on to you.” Then the government man leaves you, scurrying
to track down every member of your flight back home from China. By now, the disease could be anywhere and
everywhere, and completely undetectable until its sufferers start showing symptoms. Over the course of the next few days, you
deteriorate even further. Breathing becomes more than painful, it becomes
difficult. Your parents come visit you, as does the rest
of your family- everyone knows that the end is near. Your siblings lean in and kiss you on the
cheek through the surgical masks they wear. Even your libertarian uncle shows up, tears
in his eyes. He leans in and gives you a kiss on the cheek
one last time, whispering reassuringly in your ear, “Taxes are just another form of
theft.” Your body can’t function properly anymore,
the virus has saturated all of its systems to the point that basic functions begin shutting
down. Much like an over-consuming humanity, viruses
have no sense of self-control, and once they infect a host they reproduce completely out
of control until the host dies from the burden of the virus within it. Like the earth, but with people. The light is fading now, and in your final
moments you think back to that snake you saved. You remember its parting words to you: “One
day, when you need me the most, I promise I’ll be there.”. Suddenly you hear a slight hiss, and hope
floods your body as you barely manage to lean up just slightly and look around your room-
but it’s just the hiss of your air conditioning unit winding down. As the light fades completely, you think to
yourself, “Man, that (bleeping censored sfx) snake lied to me.” At your funeral your supervisor shows up along
with several of your co-workers. Using Dicks Sporting Goods air rifles, you’re
given a twenty one gun salute. With somber purpose, your supervisor stands
at attention before your grieving mother, handing her a folded Spencer’s band T-shirt-
the official flag of mall security. We bet now you’re probably in the mood for
something a little bit happier, so why not click this video over here, or maybe you’d
rather enjoy this video here? Either way, click one now, because the only
viral content Infographics puts out is fun, awesome vids!

100 Comments

  • Reply CK Boulevard February 21, 2020 at 2:35 am

    What animal cruelty nightmare. You a vegetarian? If u eat meat don't be a hypocrite 😂

  • Reply flixrao February 21, 2020 at 2:46 am

    Dr Mike be like : "Chest compressions!!"

  • Reply hyperkid21 February 21, 2020 at 2:48 am

    nice

  • Reply NOXi Z February 21, 2020 at 3:03 am

    Chinese people in Wuhan be like:
    Is this food

    Then proceed to eat

  • Reply UnknownPigeon February 21, 2020 at 3:08 am

    So the virus is here because he wanted to lick a doorknob.

  • Reply This is Acheson February 21, 2020 at 3:08 am

    Eat your cereal

  • Reply ThatOneGuy February 21, 2020 at 3:08 am

    There is a LOT of overreaction in this video, 85% of the time you’ll just get a tiny fever and your body should fight it off once it gets used to the virus and creates antibodies for it as with any other new virus, it’s pretty obvious they did the “You’ll 100% die” route for the views and are trying to spread misinformation

  • Reply t8music February 21, 2020 at 3:09 am

    I thought it mutated from snake to bat then human

  • Reply Najib Mohammed February 21, 2020 at 3:10 am

    How high were the writers in this episode?

  • Reply Sean Davis February 21, 2020 at 3:11 am

    This writers on drugs

  • Reply Amari Peart February 21, 2020 at 3:13 am

    Is this meant to be funny or do I just have a dark sense of humour 😆?

  • Reply SimT February 21, 2020 at 3:18 am

    This is not meant to be a joke..there are over 75000 people who are sick and many have died already.

  • Reply Zacharia Ahmad February 21, 2020 at 3:20 am

    People have survived from the coronavirus.

  • Reply Javiera Chávez PJ February 21, 2020 at 3:22 am

    This video is tasteless. Not funny at all.

  • Reply Tramaine Terrance February 21, 2020 at 3:25 am

    Well, I guess I better drink some tea and meditate. There are alot of humans on this terrible planet, but with the Coronavirus running around, the future looks very different.

    TERRANCE OUT

  • Reply GalaxyGamer 187 February 21, 2020 at 3:28 am

    WE’RE GOIN TO GREENLAND BOYS

  • Reply Klang TV February 21, 2020 at 3:33 am

    This dude should have the best narrator award…

  • Reply Suck my buttery cum gun February 21, 2020 at 3:40 am

    Nice video, but everyone knows covid 19 is a biological weapon

  • Reply Kitsdos February 21, 2020 at 3:40 am

    I suppose your guinea pig was the writer of this one?

  • Reply Justin Miller February 21, 2020 at 3:47 am

    I couldn't make it through this one.

  • Reply General Lemon February 21, 2020 at 3:48 am

    The irony

  • Reply Robert Vollmer February 21, 2020 at 3:56 am

    And then you try to call 911 but you have T-Mobile so you have no reception.

  • Reply yuri guimaraes February 21, 2020 at 4:06 am

    I'm curious on what Infographics was on when he created this story

  • Reply Naheem Smith February 21, 2020 at 4:14 am

    "That [redacted] snake lied to me" XD

  • Reply Paul Coleman February 21, 2020 at 4:17 am

    CPR on a Snake? Why?

  • Reply Dill Pickled February 21, 2020 at 4:21 am

    Kinda bizarre thinking for a serious and sad situation

  • Reply Content Dawn695 February 21, 2020 at 4:22 am

    I must know more about this narrator

  • Reply HPTRK Kreed February 21, 2020 at 4:27 am

    You: (Currently dying because of snake CPR)

    Libertarian Uncle: Taxes are just another form of theft.

    Almost busted my gut laughing. Please get more bizarre, we aren't deep enough in this rabbit hole and I know you can go deeper.

  • Reply 56Tyskie February 21, 2020 at 4:28 am

    I like that uncle

  • Reply jaykang February 21, 2020 at 4:28 am

    Me: riding a plane minding my own business
    Infographics: LETS HAVE A COUGH FIGHT

  • Reply Jennifer Chen February 21, 2020 at 4:30 am

    Lol wat ami watching smh

  • Reply chubi February 21, 2020 at 4:33 am

    this is a joke, right?

  • Reply Toby O'Neil February 21, 2020 at 4:40 am

    😂 grim but full of humour.

    Plus that snake couldn't save him because just after it was saved it most likely had its head chopped off and was deep fired.

  • Reply Mummified February 21, 2020 at 4:42 am

    History of the the Coronavirus start

  • Reply TJK2019 Kelly February 21, 2020 at 4:45 am

    5:50 yo this mall guard gunna die he met Karan and she bout to take the kids

  • Reply Doodlenhl February 21, 2020 at 4:47 am

    I feel you should mention that the coronavirus is not a death sentence. Coming from a informational channel, I feel it’s a bit of fear mongering.

  • Reply Impulse electrobrine125 February 21, 2020 at 4:47 am

    My grandma had to stay in her house for a few weeks because she traveled to china

  • Reply Hydra February 21, 2020 at 4:50 am

    how about don't get near a snake.. period.

  • Reply Pilot February 21, 2020 at 4:55 am

    did the cell just get molested?

  • Reply Edgar Martinez February 21, 2020 at 4:59 am

    That F***ing snake!

  • Reply Knappy February 21, 2020 at 5:15 am

    So don’t kiss snakes… got it.

  • Reply Joseph Edwards February 21, 2020 at 5:20 am

    The CDC guy should have had the decency to tell him that the CDC has a patent on the coronavirus.

  • Reply RelliK RedRuM February 21, 2020 at 5:25 am

    YouTube: "Mike Bloomberg ads saying he is the best choice"

    Me: I'd rather go to China and lick doorknobs

  • Reply Assassin's Brotherhood February 21, 2020 at 5:26 am

    Poor guy didn't know it might a be a venemous snake

  • Reply halo gamer February 21, 2020 at 5:29 am

    Wow. Vary dramatic

  • Reply Chelsea Vazquez February 21, 2020 at 5:31 am

    NOTE TO SELF : DO NOT GIVE SNAKES CPR 😷🐍🐍

  • Reply BracketTV February 21, 2020 at 5:32 am

    disgusting

  • Reply BracketTV February 21, 2020 at 5:34 am

    When an Asian kid starts coughing in the class

    Everyone: Run he's got coronavirus !

  • Reply Abhisar Rawat February 21, 2020 at 5:35 am

    CHRISTOPHER NOLAN WANTS TO KNOW YOUR LOCATION!

  • Reply Sacyrus February 21, 2020 at 5:53 am

    Live action version to be directed by James Cameron 2024

  • Reply Susse Kind February 21, 2020 at 5:53 am

    Corona virus only has a lethality rate of 2%. And those are almost always the immune compromised, the old, the very young, and the sick.
    If you're between 5 and 60 and otherwise healthy, you have little to worry about.

  • Reply Average Machinist February 21, 2020 at 5:53 am

    Brought to you by the Chinese government.

  • Reply BTDBuster February 21, 2020 at 6:07 am

    that fu*** snake lied to me!!! lol

  • Reply Shane O February 21, 2020 at 6:07 am

    🤣

  • Reply Stevie Nguyen February 21, 2020 at 6:16 am

    That f***ing snake…

    Samuel L Jackson was right!

  • Reply Nevermore Lilzkie February 21, 2020 at 6:16 am

    nobody talks 09:23 its most terrifying than any viruses created by mankind 😗

  • Reply Mr. Hot Potato February 21, 2020 at 6:17 am

    The libertarian Uncle is Funny 😂

  • Reply skyrimking 409 February 21, 2020 at 6:17 am

    5:53 SHUT UP KAREN… WE KNOW

  • Reply RaviLink YT February 21, 2020 at 6:18 am

    I hate corona because of hard breathing

  • Reply EJJ AWESOME February 21, 2020 at 6:24 am

    he protecc,
    he attecc,
    but most importently,
    he got snakes bacc.

  • Reply BunnyKitKat February 21, 2020 at 6:32 am

    I think this was written by the challenges guy. I mean idk tho but I feel like he would make up that snake story fr

  • Reply dpasserby February 21, 2020 at 6:41 am

    trying to be clever-funny…
    but really…just some not thoroughly-researched propaganda written by either a juvenile or CIA member

  • Reply Qaz x February 21, 2020 at 6:41 am

    Interesting

  • Reply Lexi Baldwin-Money February 21, 2020 at 6:43 am

    Snake CPR, licking random things, coughing fights, a HAPPY plane ride. This video was a rollercoaster

  • Reply Annie Shi February 21, 2020 at 6:48 am

    Yes because Virus is way bigger than a red blood cell am i right?

  • Reply Whiteninja Gaming 1 February 21, 2020 at 6:54 am

    5:40 list off symptoms that I have now 🧐😬

  • Reply SignatureRush February 21, 2020 at 7:02 am

    1:43
    Guy:OUT OF THE WAY
    also everyone:Not in the way in the first place

  • Reply neko yoshinon February 21, 2020 at 7:03 am

    Best way to get virus

  • Reply theapocilip February 21, 2020 at 7:04 am

    Bruh most people don’t die from it

  • Reply Matthew Cohn February 21, 2020 at 7:04 am

    softly "taxes are just another form of theft"

    As a libertarian I think this is hilarious

  • Reply The BlackHornet February 21, 2020 at 7:06 am

    Why i'm crying over this video?😢😢

  • Reply Fluffy Blair February 21, 2020 at 7:15 am

    I'm sorry but he overreacted and made it seem a lot worse than it is like its got a 2 percent death rate and Ebola has a 50 percent SARS has something like a 20 to 30 death rate

  • Reply Emi February 21, 2020 at 7:22 am

    Nobody:
    Guy:*in the middle of dying*
    His uncle: "Taxes are just another form of theft."

  • Reply NoThisDude February 21, 2020 at 7:33 am

    Why cant Lymphozyte Killer Squad or Macrophage Chan help ? I mean not only white blood cells are for defense.

  • Reply XkaaN HQ February 21, 2020 at 7:39 am

    The first 3 minutes are so relatable, this has happened to me many times

  • Reply lcpl4liferod23 February 21, 2020 at 7:39 am

    This is the greatest episode!

  • Reply Stella February 21, 2020 at 7:44 am

    Is this the sequel to Paul blart?

  • Reply Parikshith DU February 21, 2020 at 7:46 am

    Who Would kiss a 🐍? You would if u are from INFOGRAPHIC SHOW! 🌝

  • Reply Toke Bro February 21, 2020 at 7:52 am

    Everybody:

    Nobody:
    No one:
    Not a single soul:

  • Reply Kayne Trotter February 21, 2020 at 7:53 am

    Is this written by the challenge guy

  • Reply Eddie Pancho February 21, 2020 at 7:59 am

    More than 80 percent of people infected experience mild symptoms similar to the common cold, and technically every virus is deadly. Way to buy into the hysteria infographics, you just keep getting less credible by the day.

  • Reply Matt Sugui February 21, 2020 at 8:08 am

    China is one of the earliest civilisations on Earth

    And the earliest to end it

  • Reply SM supporter! February 21, 2020 at 8:12 am

    Why would you even lick a snake?

  • Reply bobbythepsycho February 21, 2020 at 8:15 am

    Did ye get a new writer? This episode was way funnier than usual, keep it up!!

  • Reply Gamer_CraftYT 1 February 21, 2020 at 8:15 am

    Hey why are you at the hospital?

    Oh I kissed a snake and got corona

  • Reply ItchyClover February 21, 2020 at 8:22 am

    Whoever wrote the script must've been on some serious drugs 😄😄😄

  • Reply RikkTheGaijin February 21, 2020 at 8:28 am

    Ah yes, a nice dose of misinformation. Nice!

  • Reply Nikki Píŕáťé February 21, 2020 at 8:30 am

    Oh so a mall cop giving a snake CPR cause Corona virus. Sounds about right along with all the other crazy info out there.

  • Reply Miles Sweet February 21, 2020 at 8:40 am

    Nobody:
    Infographics: That f***ing snake

  • Reply Zodiex February 21, 2020 at 8:48 am

    What kind of person would lick doorknobs? Does he know he has the coronavirus and just spreading it to people?

  • Reply SkyWolfAlpha February 21, 2020 at 9:13 am

    well that went off the rails pretty fast

  • Reply steven February 21, 2020 at 9:14 am

    cpr a snake? licking doorknobs? panda express?

  • Reply Jeremy Heartriter2.0 February 21, 2020 at 9:14 am

    Still makes more sense than the whole mainstream news channels.😂🤣

    P.s. Is that video a satire BTW?

  • Reply Fazer652 February 21, 2020 at 9:18 am

    That was the stupidest video I’ve seen so far 🤦‍♂️

  • Reply Dx Gamerzx February 21, 2020 at 9:21 am

    Corona Virus can be prevented by alcohol.

    Corona beer: MY TIME HAS COME

  • Reply Dine February 21, 2020 at 9:33 am

    But did he win the cough fight with the kid?

  • Reply Shuja Studios February 21, 2020 at 9:35 am

    And thats why you dont give cpr to a snake

  • Reply xq6r February 21, 2020 at 9:35 am

    C r i n g e

  • Reply NSDA China February 21, 2020 at 9:36 am

    Really trying hare to hit that 10 minute mark 🙂

  • Reply xq6r February 21, 2020 at 9:37 am

    Btw, coronavirus comes from bats, not snakes, but who cares… He is a snake hero

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