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Weekend Update on Stomach Bug Shutting Down High School – SNL

October 21, 2019


>>>A HIGH SCHOOL IN ILLINOIS
HAS CANCELLED CLASSES FOR A SECOND DAY AFTER MORE THAN 800
STUDENTS WERE OUT WITH A STOMACH BUG.
WHICH MAKES SENSE FOR A SCHOOL WHOSE MASCOT IS A WARM SHRIMP
COCKTAIL. [ LAUGHTER ]
ADORABLE.>>THIS WEEK MARKS THE TENTH
ANNIVERSARY OF THE iPHONE. AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE
WHEN I SAY, THANK YOU, APPLE, FOR HELPING ME IGNORE MY FAMILY.
[ LAUGHTER ] IMAGINE HOW DIFFERENT OUR LIVES
WOULD BE RIGHT NOW WITHOUT iPHONES, WITHOUT AN iPHONE YOU
WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO SEE THAT YOUR FRIEND IS CALLING AND WAIT
UNTIL THEY STOP CALLING AND THEN TEXT THEM, WHY ARE YOU CALLING?
KIDS IN AMERICA WOULD HAVE GREAT POSTURE.
AND KIDS IN CHINA WOULD HAVE A DAY OFF.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>I’M SURE THEY WOULD BE
BUILDING SOMETHING.>>>FORD HAS ANNOUNCED A NEW SUV
IN 2020. JUST IN TIME FOR PAROLE.
[ LAUGHTER ]>>A FEDERAL INVESTIGATION
CONCLUDED THAT THE CITY OF CHICAGO’S POLICE OFFICERS USED
EXCESSIVE FORCE AND UNFAIRLY TARGET
MINORITIES. OH, SO THAT WAS THE PROBLEM.
AS A BLACK DUDE WHO GREW UP IN THE GET DOUGH, I NEVER
UNDERSTOOD WHY COPS DON’T LIKE US.
I MEAN, BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON.
WE’RE BOTH PORTRAYED NEGATIVELY ON THE NEWS.
YOU CAN HEAR OUR CARS FROM BLOCKS AWAY.
EVERYONE GETS NERVOUS WHEN THEY THINK WE’RE FOLLOWING THEM.
WE’RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE I KNOW WHO CAN HOP A FENCE IN BOOTS.
WE BOTH BRING OUR OWN GUNS TO FUNERALS.
I CAN GO ON AND ON. BUT THE BIGGEST SIMILARITY IS
THAT BLACK PEOPLE DON’T LIKE BEING IN CRIME INFESTED AREAS
EITHER AND I THINK THAT GETS LOST.
THAT’S WHY I HATE THE TERM BLACK ON BLACK CRIME BECAUSE IT MAKES
IT SEEM LIKE IT’S JUST A RACE ISSUE.
WHICH MAKES PEOPLE WHO AREN’T BLACK CHECK OUT.
I DON’T BLAME THEM. IF
I SAW A HEADLINE THAT SAID, WHITE WOMAN CUTS OFF WHITE MAN’S
PENIS, I WOULD BE LIKE, DAMN, WHITE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY, I’M GLAD
I’M NOT WHITE. BUT IF YOU TOOK RACE OUT OF IT
AND THE HEADLINE SAID INSTEAD, IF HE HAD
UP WOMAN CUT OFF CHEATING MAN’S PENIS, I WOULD BE LIKE, OH, NO,
THIS AFFECTS US ALL. [ LAUGHTER ]
[ APPLAUSE ]>>>WE HAVE A LOT OF POP STARS
PERFORM HERE ON “SNL.” IT TURNS OUT — THAT’S THE
WEIRDEST TRANSITION. TO PIGGYBACK ON THE CHICAGO
STUFF. WE HAVE A LOT OF POP STARS
PERFORM ON “SNL.” WE MIGHT HAVE AN EMERGING POP
STAR RIGHT HERE IN OUR CAST. HERE SO EXPLAIN IS BECK BENNETT.
>>I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WOW, LOVE YOU.>>BECK, IS THAT A NEW HAIRCUT?
>>OH, I DIDN’T NOTICE. I GUESS SO, YEAH.
IT’S JUST NATURAL, I DON’T KNOW.>>OKAY.
SO WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR MUSIC CAREER?
>>THANK YOU FOR ASKING. WELL, IN A WORD, IT’S EXPLODING,
COLIN. PEOPLE DON’T KNOW THIS, BUT
MUSIC’S ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE PART AND I’VE ALWAYS LIKE LISTENED TO
THE RADIO. I LOVE SONGS.
>>SO, THEN YOU’RE LIKE A TRAINED SINGER?
>>I’M NOT AS MUCH OF A TRAINED SINGER ANYMORE.
I’M JUST SORT OF MORE OF A — I DO, I DON’T KNOW, ORIGINAL CHART
TOPPING STUFF.>>DO YOU WANT TO TRY OUT ONE OF
YOUR SONGS RIGHT NOW? ♪ EVERYBODY IS ON THE PROWL
EVERYBODY’S GOTTA GET THAT SOMETHING SOMETHING THAT
MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY ♪>>THANK YOU SO MUCH.
[ APPLAUSE ]>>THAT WAS SORT OF ABOUT THE
ECONOMY AND MONEY.>>YES, YOU SAID MONEY LIKE TEN
TIMES.>>I HAVE ANOTHER ONE TOO.
>>OH, GREAT. I WAS GOING TO SAY THANKS FOR
COMING. BUT SURE, YEAH, YOU CAN DO
ANOTHER –>>FAIR WARNING.
IT’S REALLY TENDER. ♪ HONESTLY WE’RE HERE BEFORE
AND HONESTLY I’VE SEEN YOU THERE HONESTLY WE’VE BEEN
DOWN THIS ROAD ♪ [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
>>THAT WAS THE WHOLE SONG?>>I DO LITTLE SONGS, COLIN.
A LOT OF SINGERS WILL DO, I DON’T KNOW, EIGHT TO TEN SONGS
IN AN ALBUM, WHEREAS I’LL DO ANYTHING FROM 300 TO 600 SONGS.
I’M AN ABSOLUTE MACHINE.>>THAT’S TOO MANY SONGS.
>>I’M ALWAYS PRODUCING.>>MAYBE SLOW IT DOWN.
WHY DON’T YOU MAYBE JUST DO ONE LITTLE SONG.
♪ THE PIN GOES IN THE PIN GOES OUT
I’M TRYING TO MAKE A BLANKET THE PIN GOES IN ♪
♪ THE PIN GOES OUT I’M SEWING
SOMETHING NEW ♪ [ APPLAUSE ]
>>ALL RIGHT, YEAH, THAT COULD BE GOOD.
♪ MAYBE IT’S A HAT OR GLOVES MAYBE IT’S A BRAND-NEW COAT
MAYBE IT’S A LITTLE STUFFED ANIMAL ♪
[ APPLAUSE ]>>THAT SONG ENDED UP BEING
ABOUT A STUFFED ANIMAL.>>WOW.
THANKS, MAN. THANKS FOR WALKING US THROUGH
THAT. I THINK THERE’S NO EASY WAY FOR
ME TO SAY THIS.>>UH-HUH.
GREAT.>>OBVIOUSLY I DON’T WANT TO
HURT YOUR FEELINGS.>>GOOD NEWS ALERT.
>>I JUST THINK AFTER LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC —
>>I SHOULD QUIT COMEDY AND DO MUSIC FULL-TIME?
THAT’S GREAT BECAUSE I ALREADY DID IT.
♪ EVERYBODY IS ON THE PROWL ♪

18 Comments

  • Reply Maggie E June 4, 2019 at 1:34 am

    Why have I heard Becks songs in my fever dreams?

  • Reply I. Wynn Wynn June 4, 2019 at 3:35 pm

    Most males are physco hideous monsters and it effects every female. Males of every race are the number one cause of death in females of every race!

  • Reply Dan Witzke June 9, 2019 at 10:27 pm

    Beck and Will Arnett need to do something together

  • Reply dion cook June 9, 2019 at 11:40 pm

    Wow, did Micheal Chea just actually say take race out of the equation….but that's what Demorats run on….the race issue…

  • Reply Genevieve Winchester June 10, 2019 at 6:40 pm

    Why is everyone so darn cute

  • Reply Charles Evans June 21, 2019 at 7:30 pm

    Im over hear about how black are this and that. You are not the only ones who are targeted. I get targeted and stop by black cops just walking to the store. Grow up and stop blaming other. Your own kind sold you for money.

  • Reply Coolbean94vevo July 2, 2019 at 5:28 am

    I wonder if OJ will buy the Bronco next year

  • Reply N O July 28, 2019 at 2:05 pm

    I want Becks songs made into an album

  • Reply MATINUSKA THUNDRRPHUKK August 1, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    The Beck bit wasn't really funny as he is far more talented than most acts that appear on SNL.

  • Reply Jasmine Acosta August 4, 2019 at 4:13 am

    I ? Colin Jost

  • Reply Julie Adams August 14, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    Omg.. the guy singing.. WTF.. what was that???

  • Reply Rabecka Colegrove September 22, 2019 at 4:26 am

    Best cast of SNL ever. Sorry haters

  • Reply Tamriel X September 30, 2019 at 1:15 am

    While it might have been missed by some, His words were extremely true, comedy or not.. the headlines do make you check out

  • Reply Simply Drug Addict October 1, 2019 at 8:25 pm

    Colin smilling makes me smile, am i a homo

  • Reply Simply Drug Addict October 1, 2019 at 8:29 pm

    Colin makes Beck look like me

  • Reply Rts October 5, 2019 at 2:59 pm

    Stop clicking on news stories with race in it….if it didn’t “sell” then they wouldn’t be pushing it ALL the time

  • Reply falun dafa extremists 1 October 20, 2019 at 4:32 pm

    America haveAmericans the day off all the time Americans doesn’t make them.

  • Reply falun dafa extremists 1 October 20, 2019 at 4:38 pm

    Americans =Ameriicunt are just jealous not made in your Country so pathetic.

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