Articles, Blog

Traits Of A Narcissistic Mother | Pt. 14

September 21, 2019


She terrorizes. For all abusers, fear is a
powerful means of control of the victim, and your narcissistic mother used it ruthlessly
to train you. Narcissists teach you to beware their wrath even when they aren’t present.
The only alternative is constant placation. If you give her everything she wants all the
time, you might be spared. If you don’t, the punishments will come. Even adult children
of narcissists still feel that carefully inculcated fear. Your narcissistic mother can turn it
on with a silence or a look that tells the child in you she’s thinking about how she’s
going to get even. Not all narcissists abuse physically, but most do, often in subtle,
deniable ways. It allows them to vent their rage at your failure to be the solution to
their internal havoc and simultaneously to teach you to fear them. You may not have been
beaten, but you were almost certainly left to endure physical pain when a normal mother
would have made an effort to relieve your misery. This deniable form of battery allows
her to store up her rage and dole out the punishment at a later time when she’s worked
out an airtight rationale for her abuse, so she never risks exposure. You were left hungry
because “you eat too much.” (Someone asked her if she was pregnant. She isn’t). You always
went to school with stomach flu because “you don’t have a fever. You’re just trying to
get out of school.” (She resents having to take care of you. You have a lot of nerve
getting sick and adding to her burdens.) She refuses to look at your bloody heels and instead
the shoes that wore those blisters on your heels are put back on your feet and you’re
sent to the store in them because “You wanted those shoes. Now you can wear them.” (You
said the ones she wanted to get you were ugly. She liked them because they were just like
what she wore 30 years ago). The dentist was told not to give you Novocain when he drilled
your tooth because “he has to learn to take better care of his teeth.” (She has to pay
for a filling and she’s furious at having to spend money on you.)n Narcissistic mothers
also abuse by loosing others on you or by failing to protect you when a normal mother
would have. Sometimes the narcissist’s golden child will be encouraged to abuse the scapegoat.
Narcissists also abuse by exposing you to violence. If one of your siblings got beaten,
she made sure you saw. She effortlessly put the fear of Mom into you, without raising
a hand.

14 Comments

  • Reply Gabrielle Tedders September 23, 2015 at 9:14 pm

    Wow this is classic mom and grandma.

  • Reply Alia Meen October 3, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    "Oh, look at you. You are the one with the trouble hair. You look like you have no owner." Thinking of it now, it sounds rather like she was talking to a dog much like she talks to her chicken today, "Big Man, Big Man, Big Man."

  • Reply Anne Boleyn December 21, 2015 at 8:48 pm

    We were terrified of her. She was both physically violent and said the most terrible things to us, like telling me I would make a good gangsters moll. It was nothing like a normal life or family.

  • Reply Anne Boleyn December 21, 2015 at 8:53 pm

    She used to scare us by slamming all the cupboard doors shut and by that look on her face, of pure rage and craziness. She looked utterly crazy, like in the movie 'Mommie Dearest", about Joan Crawford. That movie could have been based on our lives, right down to being forced to sit at the table until midnight until we ate the horrible food on our plates, and told if we didn't eat it, it would be there at breakfast waiting for us. I used to take handfuls of the horrible over cooked over salted mushy cabbage and flush it down the toilet, throw it over the neighbours fence, put it in the vase of flowers on the table, or hide it in my pocket till I could get rid of it. We had to learn to be sneaky to survive. To this day I can't bear the sight or smell of cabbage.

  • Reply Anne Boleyn December 21, 2015 at 8:56 pm

    She used to laugh at us if we cried during sad movies, like the one where Lassie dies. We all 4 were bawling our eyes out.

  • Reply Sheri Shaner February 4, 2016 at 8:00 pm

    This has me wondering about my fear of dentists. One time she took me to the dentist and I always thought that the Novocaine didn't take when a tooth was being drilled/filled and I felt everything. They refused to give me any Novocaine when I cried so badly. That was one of the most painful things I've ever had done and I am now scared to death of dentists. After hearing this, I'm wondering if Novocaine was never paid for in the first place and the pain was on purpose?

  • Reply sarah brown February 5, 2016 at 9:44 pm

    54sec in is the reason i cut all contact with the narc

  • Reply sarah brown February 5, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    My narc took my photo whilst tantrum around the age of 11 then had the developed photo shared with neighbours over the fence looking on as they all laughed about it & got it thrust in my face as i was told 'look at your eyes their so phsyco when ur like that'

  • Reply belinda leoni February 14, 2016 at 8:48 pm

    She used to leave the book "the fog , by Stephen King" around because the front cover looked like her with her head chopped off , this book cover terrorised me at about 5 years of age , she made sure it was left laying around. She exposed me to horror movies young. At about 7 years old she took me to my first cinema experience in the city , I was excited , it turned out to be American Ware Wolf in London. I had seen Exorcist at about 10 years old. On top , she could scare me and control me with a look. For running from a caravan in tears having to witness her boyfriend sodomise her in a caravan park we lived in , she followed me to the toilet block and slapped my face so hard and dragged me by the hair back to the caravan were the abuse continued. This is what a evil covert narcissist mother done. Belinda Leoni

  • Reply PrincessCadence2012 August 12, 2016 at 8:38 pm

    my mom was never physically abusive persay.. however there were times when i guess she was a lil neglectful.
    It seemed like everytime i was sick.. she was angry at me. Maybe it was because she didnt want to take care of me… However i was constantly sick as a child.. i had a very weak immune system so she could have just been fed up with it.
    I was born with some birth defects in my abdomen and they had to be repaired.. which shot my immune system to hell.. so i was constantly sick.
    It got worse as i got older because she started getting sick too… after a while when i was sick..she was always sicker.. so i just stopped admiting i was ever sick
    Me: mom i have a sore throat …
    Mom:: You have a sore throat? Mine's so raw i can barely swallow..
    Me: mom my allergies are killing me today… i cant stop sneezing.
    Mom: oh its just allergies.. your fine… I have such a migraine and just cant get up.

    And granted i dont want to talk bad about the woman.. she died with cancer.. but some of the crap i read or hear on this place sets off l il bells.
    And im just left wondering.

  • Reply CA B October 28, 2016 at 6:58 am

    You've met my mother then!? Thank you for this, I tell people about her, but people with normal nice sane mothers can't believe it. I've been in therapy for years and still I let her wound me, she's got more manipulative the older I've got and moved away.

  • Reply princess Jasmine January 8, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    yes controlling and she's made me angry there's things she said she would help me with but now she's not because I won't help her she's trying to do something that could put her life in danger silly woman. I'm standing up now and realising what she's like she hates it . she even says to any of the kids and me myself were not sick and she's then relived when we're gone

  • Reply AllTheGoodUsernamesWereTaken March 21, 2017 at 3:47 am

    So true.

  • Reply esmith5121 August 1, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    This describes at least 1/3 of the mothers I've met.

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