Articles, Blog

Strep Throat May Have Damaged my Heart but it’s Not Broken for My Joy and Hope Rests in Christ! [CC]

September 17, 2019


hello um start that over
hello humans it’s me Sophia the Tiny Kitten Human. How are you
today? I know only a little sign sorry so I
won’t be signing for the rest of this video but I will caption it when I get a
chance today I wanted to talk about finding hope in the future when life is
uncertain and about how life looked very different for me a year ago at this time
and then comparing that to where I am now and the knowing Christ and loving
God and finding joy in the challenges and the struggles that I face and
learning how to trust God with my circumstances even if it’s scary even if
it hurts even if my circumstances you know comparatively suck I still know
that there is hope in Christ and that he fills you with peace you know um there’s
a verse in I think it’s Philippians 4 6 to 7 be anxious about nothing but in
everything make your with Thanksgiving make
requests known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus look at what the actual
verses and I don’t know what version I was quoting from but the in essence
um you know it’s that don’t be anxious about the things that you face in life
you don’t know what life is gonna look like what challenges you’ll face but you
know God he wants to give you peace he wants to he loves you and in this sin
filled world we will face many trials and if we choose to follow Christ we
will also face trials and that the the enemy when you aren’t following Christ
and you don’t live your life with the love for Christ the enemy doesn’t really
care what you’re doing because he’s already got you he’s already won but
when you’re following a life for Christ it’s you are then the enemy’s enemy
because you can have the power to show others the love of God and that can draw
others in and grow yourself and he no longer has your soul and so you will
face trials and suffering because of your faith even if it’s not specific
persecution but the thing is God is all-powerful he is He loves you
Jesus went to the cross he was mocked he was ridiculed he was stripped he was
scorned he was beaten to the point where he wasn’t even recognizable and he did
that willingly he went in and he suffered so he could cleanse us of our
sin so that he could defeat death and the grave the devil might come and try
to destroy you but you can’t be destroyed because you are backed by the
power of God it just blows my mind that the God who created the heavens and the
earth who created me and you and everyone on the earth that humbled
himself to come down as a vulnerable baby to live a sinless life
rife with temptations and you know adversaries
and he chose to die for our sins be beaten and just he could have stopped it
at any time one angel has the power to level cities and angels aren’t even gods and that just that anyway I’m getting
distracted because I love Jesus but one more thing I’m gonna say before I get to
this verse and then explain why I’m sharing this is that you know when when
you hear the word meek one thing that I heard in a sermon that I really
appreciated was Jesus was meek that does not mean that he was weak that meekness
can be described as power kind of under control because the Jesus is God and he
came to earth to be man he was fully God and fully man and he all those times
people you know scouring him and questioned him and mocked him he was God
he could have come down on them with wrath but because he loves us and he
wanted to save us and bring us back to him he suffered through 33 years of life
and then incredible mocking scorning and torture torture and his disciples
denying him and turning against him like Peter who denied him to a to a lowly
little child and yet he still loved them and died for them it’s me and you and
it’s anyway it’s I’m speechless God is awesome if you don’t love Jesus you
should but I won’t force you to because then you know the whole freewill thing
God gave us free will I respect your free will but I pray
hope that God can use me as a vessel and others around you and whatever it takes
for you to see him for his truth and for who he is and he once you see that and
once you understand even just a glimpse of that really understand it not just to
see it and you know dismiss it then you know you will turn to God and see God
but you know it’s not my place to impede upon your freewill to make that choice
because then it wouldn’t be real anyway again I keep getting distracted I love
Jesus so where was I Philippians 4:6 to seven so I can get the actual thing so
um there we go here I’ll start here actually starting at Philippians 4:4 “Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice let
your gentlemen (read that wrong) be known ( I stutter here) Let your gentleness be known to all men the
Lord is at hand be anxious for nothing but in everything by prayer and
supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the
peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and
minds with Christ Jesus through Christ Jesus” so just you know I love that verse
it’s a very famous one it just popped into my head so I figured I’d reference
it but just the you know we rejoice rejoice in the Lord always again I say
rejoice I didn’t realize that that part was a part of that burst cuz you know
I’ve skimmed through it I really have certain parts memorized but that’s a
beautiful thing and you know that in the context of and let your gentleness be
known to man to all men you know just that kindness and that love as we go
through whatever word as we face and then you know it says then be anxious
for nothing and that because God knows all of our needs he gives us everything
we need he knows better what we need then we do obviously and sometimes it
can feel so much like we need something but that’s not a part of God’s
will for us and that could be very very painful the whole reason I made this
video was gonna make this video anyway and so I guess I’ll get into that now is
that a year ago today is January 15th I was three days away from starting a CNA
class CNA is certified nurses assistance class and it’s a very physical job and I
was going to be taking classes from now until the end of April early May and so
I was really excited I was gearing up to get everything together working on
getting my uniform which was like a dark blue scrubs getting a stethoscope
and all that and just really excited to be learning to be able to go and then
help people at their most vulnerable in a very intimate way and so I was I spent
months taking the class I enjoyed it I loved it I did well I got you know like
100 percent almost and all of my tests and then I really enjoyed when we did…
actually learn how to do things during clinicals at the nursing home I got
pretty close with some of the residents you know and you know there’s something
beautiful and humbling about helping to clean somebody up you know an adult’s to
clean someone up you know after they’ve you know had issues with incontinence or
to help somebody shower just that understanding of that pain and
difficulty they must be facing as they lose their mobility and lose their
ability to take care of themselves or even feed themselves and that some of
these people know exactly what’s going on and their mind is there and then they
have to struggle through that aging and that loss of their independence and then
there are also those there who you know their mind is fading their mind is gone
they don’t know what’s happening and you know they fight they’re belligerent or
even those who understand what’s happening they fight they’re belligerent
they don’t want you to let they don’t want to let you help them
because what they’re going through is tough and it’s painful and just that it
was a wonderful experience to be able to help them and that you know that
humility and knowing that you know all of us may face that someday and just
remembering that you no matter how many times someone a patient yells at you or
screams that she were calls you names or curses you out it’s that you know I
always I only was you know there for a few months while I was doing the
clinicals it was you know um four days a week but anyway and just it didn’t
offend me I didn’t take it personally if anything it just motivated me more to
do better for them even though I was still a student and then you know the I
loved it it’s something that I really enjoyed and wish I could still do but
towards the end of the CNA classes and the Home Health Aide class which was
like tacked on to the end you have to CNA to be able to do Home Health Aide
anyway I ended up getting strep throat and you know I didn’t exactly realize I
had strep I just thought it was the cold you know and you know just try to put up
with it and so you know I kept going in because you couldn’t miss classes but I
didn’t interface with the actual residents while I was sick because they
were only like three or four days left of it and you know so as things wrapped
up I was really looking forward to taking the exam then passing and
starting to work as a CNA but you know circumstances happened and you know my
health took a turn for the worst because the I went to the doctor after a while
because my throat was still hurting really bad it’d been quite a while I
wasn’t getting I went in because my throat I was
coughing up a little bit of blood I could tell it wasn’t for my lungs that
it was from my throat because I was breathing fine anyway but they did a
chest x-ray anyway apparently I have hyper inflated lungs because my
asthma or something but I went in they did a fast test for strep and it came
back negative so they sent me home said it’s fine you just have a cold it’ll
pass and so I wouldn’t home was like okay
that’s fine and then a couple days later I am starting to cough up even more
blood it was bleeding more and I could tell so I went back in and then I had my
dad come home to bring me and then many many hours I think I was there like six
or seven hours later they just said hey we’re gonna try the strep test again
after almost sending me to the ER and doing you know like different things
like just another chest x-ray and taking you know checking other things like
apparently I was highly anemic which is slightly improved probably because I was
bleeding it made it a lot worse the anemia anyway but it came back positive
and so then they put me on antibiotics and you know I a 10-day course and I
thought that I would you know the antibiotics would do the trick
that I would improve that I would get better but unfortunately because in part
at least because of the delay in treatment the strep bacteria which is
the bacteria that causes scarlet fever which can be a later stage complication
of strep throat I don’t think I’d gotten quite to the scarlet fever
it stage yet I honestly don’t know but unfortunately it permanently damaged my
heart and so now I have a condition called inappropriate sinus tachycardia
or IST and it basically makes my heartbeat too fast my heart has to work
harder I take some medications for it but it’s severely damaged my mobility I
now if I’m going out I don’t go out unless it’s
you know just straight to work and then I can stand you know at work and if I
need to sit I will but if I’m going out somewhere other than work I’ll use my
wheelchair I’m in a wheelchair now I’m a part-time wheelchair user because I can
you know fall or faint or pass out when my heart just acts up funny fortunately
it’s not something that typically increases your risk for heart attack or
stroke too much compared to other heart conditions so praise God for that but it
still severely impedes my ability to do a lot of things I could no longer
exercise pretty much at all I really used to enjoy going to the gym I used to
love lifting weights you know I would go on the elliptical for you know half an
hour to fifty minutes maintaining a ten-minute mile the whole time you know
I would ride my bike you know push up sit up stretching I loved working out
but I can’t do that anymore and it sucks and it’s painful at times
and you know sometimes I can barely even walk from one side of the house to the
other side of the house or I have to stay in bed or I’m dizzy right stand up
and everything goes black and I collapse and um whereas I used to be incredibly
physically fit I was in ROTC and my school for example and I wanted to join
the military but now I am honestly quite disabled I can work at Gamestop but my
energy is incredibly limited so there’s only so much that I can do in only so
many hours I can work and I’m trying to go to school but the thing is it is
difficult it is painful and it sucks but I have hope in Christ and I know that he
has a plan for my life and I just have to wait on the Lord for that plan to be
revealed and that’s probably not gonna be in my timing because I’d like to know
where God wants me you know now um well wants me to be in the future now but
that’s not always where you know but God sometimes just wants us to wait you know
it’s like there’s a another verse you know just you know that talks about
waiting patiently on the Lord and how he’ll renew our strength and then you
know don’t be worried think this one’s in James you know don’t be worried about
you know you’re gonna do tomorrow the future or the day after that you
know when you don’t know what’s gonna happen today that God you know is
faithful don’t you know plan I’m gonna go to this city or that city and I’m
going to make money and be rich or something like that but that fool you
know you don’t know just worry about today not necessarily worry but deal
with today before you worry so much about the future and you know that God
he comforts us all and that he’s you know praise God the God of all comfort
that he comforts us so that we can then comfort others is another paraphrase of
a verse I don’t know these verses by heart and I don’t know exactly where
they are in the Bible I’ll probably try and find that at some point and just
that you know it’s okay that I still have a heart and a desire to want to you
know be a CNA do that kind of thing but I know that that might never happen and
if that doesn’t happen if my health doesn’t improve enough that I can do
that then that’s not God’s will for my life and his and his plan is perfect and
beautiful even if I don’t can’t see it or understand it um and the thing you
know that I kept you know hoping for the long time that I’ve been you know
dealing with this that you know this thing or that thing would help make me
better that I’d get stronger but you know the I tried medication it only does
so much it helps but it only does so much you know and then I wanted to do
surgery but my doctor doesn’t want to do that yet might not you know so might
never be so something we never look into which means that I’m just
kind of stuck physically in this place I am right now with my body and my
abilities but that doesn’t mean I have to be stuck spiritually because if God
wants me physically to sit here and wait and be patient and just focus on my
relationship with him and not worry about what I’m gonna do for you
know this or that or um you know the future
then that’s where God wants me and then that is a blessing because being forced
to slow down means I have the time to draw closer to God and grow stronger in
my faith and relationship with him even if my body is weak even if it continues
to grow weaker I still am going to school I still want to be a nurse
because you can be a nurse in a wheelchair that as a thing you know and
I’m pursuing that but you know God has a plan for my life and I don’t know what
it is and even though arguably you know my
dream of becoming a CNA working as a CNA while I go to nursing school has been
shattered just has not me and my heart and my soul have been shattered
yes it’s painful yes it hurts yes I cry myself to sleep sometimes and cry out to
the Lord and you know it’s sometimes hard to remember to find peace and joy
in knowing the truth of God because I look and see everything that I’ve lost
and everything that I had I dreamed of and then I wanted and it hurts but God
gives me peace and how could I be upset or angry at God for taking anything away
from me when everything I had that he has given to me is so this grace and as
a gift and as a blessing and how dare I try to get in the way of
God’s ultimate amazing plan for me that I can’t see just because it doesn’t line
up with my own thoughts about where I should be in life
I shouldn’t and I’ve been just fortunate and blessed enough that I get to
experience this life as it is I’m grateful for every minute I have on this
finite time you know physical earthly life full of sin and full of pain
because it allows me to grow in my relationship with God and it’s all part
of his plan and I’m grateful for that plan whatever it is even if it means my
health gets worse and worse and worse or you know I don’t know I just happen to
die young or something which is probably not gonna happen but you never know I’m
just saying whatever it is God has in store for me I am grateful for it I’m
terrified but I have faith that God knows what he’s doing and that each and
every single painful part of my life is part of this beautiful tapestry that
shows his love and His grace and his patience and how awesome and powerful he
is that forms into this beautiful mosaic that I pray reflects him and shows the
world who he is even if I cannot see the whole picture
because I am currently living in this one little broken piece of glass that’s
going to create a beautiful mural or whatever silly metaphors anyway you know
there’s also a verse about you know he God knows your every tear and just
anyway I’m rambling and repeating myself but the point is I am NOT where I was a
year ago you know I’m a lot has changed I am now disabled and in a wheelchair
but just because my literal circumstances have changed the
circumstances of my relationship with God have not in the sense that I still
have my salvation he still loves me he’s still guiding me he has never left me he
does not forsake me and that there is joy and hope in whatever your
circumstances because God is a God of love and joy and hope and peace and
whatever it is we’re facing is so much better than what we deserve because we
are sinners and Jesus is awesome and I love you all praise God have a beautiful
day I hope I encouraged you to love Jesus or something you are us you are
awesome God bless you! (Please Subscribe!)

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