(Junior Sniffs) Oh man, I’m so sick. [coughs] Alright, Junior, here’s your soup, and
you better blow it because it’s very hot! I wanted alphabet soup! Well, we don’t have any
alphabet soup here, Junior. Just eat what I make. It looks like throw up! It’s not throw up.
It’s good for you, okay? Well if it’s so good
why don’t you eat it? (Junior Makes A Mess With The Soup) JUNIOR! You just made a
mess all over me! You know what? I’m
gonna go tell your dad! Ugh, you little bastard! BOWSER!!!!! [punch] You don’t raise your voice at me, boy!
You use your inside voice, you got me?! [sighs] Look, Junior’s making a mess
and he’s sick. He sneezed on everything! Oh God… You’re his dad, so take care of him. (Bowser Choking Chef Pee Pee) Listen PeePee, I’m a grown ass man, you got that? I don’t have to take care
of my son if I don’t want to! Oh, I could snap
you’re neck like a twig! If you wasn’t so sexy! (Bowser Lets Go Of Choking Chef Pee Pee) [struggles to breathe] God, let me check
on this stupid ass boy. Junior, Chef
PeePee said your sick. Wha- Who made this mess?! Uh, uh, Chef PeePee did! Uh. He threw it because he
said you don’t pay him enough. Well, it looks like he’s
gonna take a pay cut. Oh dad, I’m really, really sick! Really sick! (Coughs) Ew! Cooties! Gross,
stay away from me. Cooties! Gross, Stay away from me. Well, dad I don’t have cooties. I’m
sick. I need you to take care of me. I’m sick. I need you to take care of me. Well. I can’t do that, son. I’m sorry. Wha- What are you doing? [sneezes] (Sneezes) (Bowser Hits Junior) Damn it Junior,
what is wrong with you?! Dad, you’re not
supposed to hit me! Well, you’re not
supposed to sneeze on me, either! Well, dad, you’re
supposed to call a doctor! Well, don’t you have
Kleenex? Doesn’t that help? Well, dad, I need a
doctor to give me medicine! Well, let me go
call the doctor. God. Hey there!
Somebody call a doctor? I did, he’s sick or something. Okay? What’s wrong? Well, my whole body hurts, and I can’t stop coughing or sneezing, and I have a fever. I think I need medicine. Oh, I can’t do that. What? You can’t give me medicine? Nope. We can’t even show medicine anymore because apparently medicine is not family friendly Cause in Family friendly land, everybody just eats bubble gum and cotten candy, and has a real nice time. (wow sounds fun) And in Family friendly land, you never even get sick in the first place. Wait, wait. Well, can you give me a flu shot? NO, no, no. Don’t even say that. No. We can’t do flu shots. And that’s been confirmed by manual review. Meaning that somebody watched it and said, “Nope! No more flu shots. That’s a big no-no.” Because apparently in family friendly land, all you get is gumdrop kisses. Oh well then, what can you do for me? Um, I can give you a big thumbs up and tell you to stay away from everybody else. Wait stay away from everybody else, why? No cause he’s contagious. What does contagious mean? Well, it means he can get you sick if you’re too close to him. Dad why am I outside? Because your sick Junior, you’re not gonna get me sick. So you’re staying outside until you feel better. But Dad, I don’t want to sleep outside! Hey Junior, wanna buy some grits? (i’ll take a pack)Some grits? Yeah, we’re uh selling grits for a fundraiser. Oh Cody, don’t be shy. We’re raising money so Mommy can get new implants. I want big gazongas. 😉 She’s tired of stuffing her bra. Oh, no. I can’t really buy grits right now. I’m really really sick. You’re sick? Well, why aren’t your mommy and daddy taking care of you? Because I don’t have a mommy and my dad doesn’t like me. Well, I could take care of you. SHUT UP MOM, STAY IN YOUR LANE! You’ll take care of me? Of course honey! Come on Let’s go in the house and take care of you. Oh really? There there, sweetie all tucked in. Now just let mommy Judith take care of you. Okay great Mom HE’S all tucked in, now we can go, We still have a lot of grits to sell. Cody my breast implants can wait, your friend here is sick. Oh well, how are you gonna get breast implants from selling grits? It’s part of the grits for tits program. If you sell a hundred box of grits, They give you a new rack. And I want Double D’s. Well shoot. If she’s gonna be taking care of me I want something good to look at. I’ll take a hundred boxes! No You won’t Junior, those Tits are mine! Boys, boys I have two, one for each of you. Well actually you’re a cow so you have four. Mom can we just go? No Cody, not until we take care of your friend here. What do you need, honey? Some Alphabet Soup would be nice. Okay, Alphabet coming right up Mom if you like him so much? Why don’t you just get a room? Cody, Cody don’t be so mad. Let’s just go get some soup for your friend. There you go, honey There’s there’s your Alphabet Soup made special just for you. What “I love you”? MOM YOU WROTE I LOVE YOU IN HIS SOUP?! Oh, how did that get there? I’m sorry that must have been a mistake. WHAT, A MISTAKE MOM?! Those are the only letters in the bowl. And also you gave me a fork instead of a spoon. Listen lady I understand you eat cake all the time so you always need a fork But I need a spoon you fat pig. SEE MOM, HE DOESN’T EVEN APPRECIATE IT. Is there anything else I can get you honey? Well um, a nice warm bath would be nice..A BATH?! MOM, MOM YOU CANNOT GIVE HIM A BATH! There you go, there’s your nice warm bubble bath. BUT BUT BUT MOM! HE DOESN’T DESERVE A NICE WARM BUBBLE BATH! And I also got you some cheese and quakers. (i see what you did there) Mom, those are my cheese and quackers! Well Cody, who’s gonna help your little duck buddy Jerald eat all these cheese and Quackers? J-J-J-JERALD? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU BUTT SLUT BITCH! Now hop in the bath, and let me wash your tooshie. Ken, my mum’s busy taking care of Junior. She doesn’t even know that I exist *whines* Ooh Yeah, Ken. Your ass does look pretty tight in those booty shorts. I just want my mom back! What do I do, Ken? Ken? Ken!? Ken, if you wait to that modeling competition, I will Tan your behind there you go, sweetie You’re all tucked in with your little dolly and you’re ready to go to sleep But I don’t want this stupid doll, it’s Cody’s! Mom, have you seen Ken? (so much shock) Cody are you okay? Oh you think this is cute? Wh- what? Stealing my boyfriend? I’m not stealing your- AND YOU! Was this your idea? Cody what’s wrong? AND YOU Yeah, I take back all those tight-ass comments I said earlier Your ass is fat and flabby, just like your abs. Lose some weight FATTY! Can I take it all back? I didn’t mean it. You’re fucking Hercules (Cody crying) And mom you like taking care of sick kids huh, but I’ll show you a sick kid yeah What’s Cody’s problem? I haven’t seen your daddy the whole time. I’ve been here. Where is he oh? He’s usually upstairs watching TV He doesn’t really pay attention to me well I’m gonna go talk to him because he needs to be taking care of you because you’re a good son Hey, are you Junior’s dad? Who’s asking? Man you are perfect the only thing that’s missing on you though is big gazongas, so well, do you want to buy some grits? It doesn’t look like I want to buy some grits? Ken i’m about to sneeze ACHOO (bless you) Junior, are these all your used tissues? Can taste the boogers I need more those are actually my used tissues before I was sick even better Cody what are you doing that’s disgusting! Junior. Cough in my mouth, what, I need you to cough in my mouth I know I’ve asked you to do it before but do it now. I’m not coughing in your mouth go ahead You’re gross Juniormy mom likes to take care of sick kids, so I need to get really sick, so she’ll notice me again Cody that’s stupid! Juior, I’m gonna go lick the bathroom floor. I’ll be right back. EW That was amazing! I just cheated on my husband with a turtle What You have a Husband?!? yeah My god. Now I see what this was look take your grits and leave me woman Yeah, I know what this was you just used me as a toy. It’s just to get another notch in your belt Don’t you love me I was looking for love not another fling! (bowser crying) Well your dad almost bought some grits. What did you ask why he doesn’t like taking care of me? Oh? I knew I was forgetting something Well hey um it was thick enough for you now Cody,Codykinz why are you green what happened to you? Well mom ever since junior got sick You’ve been taking care of him and you forgot about me so I got myself sick So you would notice me again Cody. I would never forget about you. You’re my Codykinz! Really the of course Cody I was only taking care of your little friend because he was sick And he didn’t have a mommy now. Let’s go home and get you a nice warm bath Yeah Well at least Cody’s mom didn’t forget about him, and at least he has a mom… UNLIKE JOSEPH! AAAAAH (#get rekt
joseph!!!) Captions by justyouravegegefangirl! and Jack Gar Hansen.