Articles, Blog

Sexuality after 50: How Will Cancer and Chemotherapy Affect My Sex Life?

August 16, 2019


something that we don’t often think
about and don’t often talk about and that is how will cancer which so many of
us have experienced at this point in our life how does that affect our sex life thank you so much for tuning in again to
our second act with Paige and Silke I’m happy to say that Bonnie Gayle stayed over
for another segment and a very important one today something that we don’t often
think about and don’t often talk about and that is how will cancer which so
many of us have experienced at this point in our life how does that affect
our sex life Bonnie let’s talk about the effects of well one even having the
diagnosis but the treatment how chemotherapy just changes life as we
know it oh my goodness it really really does especially if you are a woman and
you have a female cancer so whether it’s breast cancer or cervical cancer or
ovarian cancer the type of treatment that you have really affects the whole
vaginal area in a really really harsh way it will throw you into an immediate
menopause so it’s like a tragic way of going into menopause sometimes they call
it surgical menopause and it’s really super harsh because it’s not you know
because normally when you go into menopause you go through stages right so
you start feeling like little changes that build up into like bigger things
but when you go into like a surgical menopause or menopause from chemotherapy
it’s literally going into menopause overnight so you go from like feeling
good and everything’s fine one day – oh my god what happened to me what happened
to my vagina like I’m in pain I feel like I have a UTI all the time you know
I’m uncomfortable what is going on down there literally and the sad part is that
it’s affecting so many more younger women now and it didn’t before you know
I was first and I’m so grateful that I’ve had not had to deal with this I
hoped you know to God that I never will I was introduced to this topic actually
by PattY Brisben the founder of Pure Romance she she does a lot of work with
with this and it just shocked me just shocked me what these younger women you
know all of a sudden you like you said you’re in menopause and if we get at our
age it just intensifies what we’re already going through so what how do we
deal with that and how you know it’s maybe some people listening you’re going
along my God but that is the last thing on my mind is sex if I’m dealing with
breast cancer or fighting cancer but as I as I’ve seen and as I’ve read and as
I’ve heard from people it isn’t you do want that intimacy and sexual pain and
all the symptoms you know of vaginal lining thinning the tissues being
exposed inside the vagina you know on the vaginal walls so it really is
important to maintain vaginal health as much as we can and understanding that a
lot of times you might need a vaginal moisturizer to be using on a very
regular basis you know that will help also keep the area pH balanced so I want
to make sure that you don’t use a vaginal moisturizer that’s made with
petroleum because that’s like putting gasoline in your vagina okay and that’s
not what we want to do when we’re already you know very very raw and
exposed so what we want to do is we want to put something gentle in there so one
recommendation I have is to use like organic cold-pressed coconut oil you’ve
used that in just a little bit rubbing it around just kind of keeping the area
hydrated another opportunity is you could use I recommend a product called
boudoir butter boudoir butter really kind of helps soothe the pain it’s a
great vaginal moisturizer that you can also use as a lubricant and it’s made
with like organic oils of cocoa butter shea butter coconut oil jojoba oil and
grape seed so these are all blended together and it’s like a thicker so it’s
actually more soothing and coding yeah like you
said it actually coats by way of full disclosure Bonnie you know is one of the
creators of boudoir butter a fabulous product which goes exactly to these
sorts of sorts of issues I mean I have use this product especially like a lot
of the younger cancer survivors because there’s so many cancer survivors now
that are like under 40 can you imagine not having a sex life for the rest of
your life and you’re under 40 oh and so literally like this they give out
samples we give them special discounts because you know what they they really
deserve to have a beautiful sex life even if they’ve had something so painful
that really can ruin you on so many levels like emotionally mentally
physically well and this is another another topic that’s very difficult for
some reason to talk about you with your physician would you agree well yeah
because you feel broken see this is the whole thing is like any time when
something goes wrong you feel broken that’s the thing it was very interesting
I had I was doing a talk last night and I was talking about sexual health and
here’s the truth we don’t even think about our vaginas unless they are
bothering us are you focused on your vagina no but if you have a UTI or a
yeast infection or you’re feeling some itchiness or some pain or something’s
going on down there that you’re feeling funky trust me it’s on your mind all
that time yeah no absolutely um Bonnie what what advice would you have a lot of
men, I’m surprised that we have over fifty percent male audience now
so knowing that there’s a lot of men listening what do they need you know
understand what would help them when you know their partner has such difficulty
communicating this and you know doesn’t really know what’s you know she’s coming
or going so the first thing is to become aware and
really try to feel into your partner and kind of see like kind of really look
behind the scenes like you know when you suggest you know you know being intimate
like what is your partner like what it what do you feel from your partner when
you’re asking about that type of thing that’s the first thing the second thing
is that you can learn to do other things besides just having you know penetration
there’s so many other forms of sexuality and for me you know having fun with each
other this is a chance and an opportunity to explore things that maybe
you wouldn’t even think about trying because it’s an easier way like so anal
sex is like something that you know a lot of times if people can’t have
vaginal sex it’s like you can learn to have incredible anal sex that can feel
good to both of you or you can just focus on like you know
enjoying each other topically you know there’s so many ways you can focus on
foreplay you know focus on one day just him focusing on your body and only
pleasing you and the next day oh you only focus on here the next time you
only focus on him and pleasing him you know don’t make it all about we have to
have penetration every time and we have to do things the same way every time
experiment with each other make this fun communicate with each other and don’t be
shy this is the person who loves you the most right right well and and understand
that intimacy is so important you know to a woman is I go back to Patty
Brisben a story she told me about one of her friends was that her husband you
know she was so upset because he was sleeping in a separate bedroom and ain’t
no so she already felt broken now she didn’t feel like he wanted anything and
when they finally did talk he said oh my gosh I didn’t I I didn’t want to disturb
you I wanted you to sleep I wanted you to heal I don’t know what to do it was
really sad brought tears to me it was one of those stories that get you so
communication as you said is so important and there is a way to maintain
that intimacy look your partner is not a
mind-reader so you need to help your partner you know understand how you’re
feeling what you’re going through you know maybe you are interested in sex you
know and you really do want to you know have sex and you really want to like
enjoy each other you know there are ways to go about it and do it you just have
to communicate that so I think that communication is really really important
and it really is key to letting your partner know how you feel no I agree
well Bonnie thank you so much again for joining us I’ll link to the information
to all of your information as well as the boudoir butter that we talked about
if anybody wants to check that out or if they have questions for you specifically
please contact Bonnie directly we’ll see you next time on our second act with Paige and Silke bye bye thanks so much for watching for more information on this important topic please visit our website 2ndact.tv and if you haven’t already
done so please just take a second and subscribe to our Channel buttons right
over here thank you

1 Comment

  • Reply RANDY JACKSON September 27, 2018 at 3:39 pm

    It won't!! I had cancer at 41yrs old and it did nothing to me, even during the Chemo!!!

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