Ricky Gervais Talks Having the ‘Man Flu’

October 14, 2019

You’re sick. No hugs. No, I’m more than sick Ellen. I’ve got one of the worst
diseases on the planet. Oh, what is that? Man flu. Oh. Really bad. Yeah. It’s different than woman flu? It’s definitely, yeah. When I’m ill, Jane’s like
Florence Nightingale. She’s on me all the
time, helping me. When Jane’s ill, I
don’t know about it. She gets up, she goes to the
doctor, she’s back before I up. You know what I mean? But when I’m ill
everyone knows about it. Yeah. I don’t think I’ll
make Christmas. Oh no. There’s not hot tea
in there anything. Oh, Well that’s fine. When I have a fever,
Portia can always tell when I have a fever. I cry when I have a fever. Really? Yeah, I don’t know why, but
whenever I have a fever I cry. So if I’m sick someone ever
says is, does she have a fever, Porsche’s like no
she’s not crying. Like that’s how you
know I’ve got a fever. I just I feel like I’m
not long for this world. My Nan used to say that. My Nan said that
for about 20 years. She’s used to say, ah
I won’t see Christmas. She was right eventually. Obviously. Well, the last one. Eventually, yes. Yeah. So first of all, I’m really
glad that you’re doing stand-up again and I am very
excited by that. So am I. It’s my
favorite thing now. I hadn’t done it for seven years
because I kept putting it back. I always thought,
like, stand-up was the second or third job I did. I thought I was a writer,
director, or actor or whatever. Right. But now, this tour, I’ve been
on tour for a year nearly. And I love it more
than anything. I just want to do it
forever now, it’s just– I don’t know why. I think it took me this
long to get good at it, you know, 15 years. They say it takes
10 years for someone to get good at something. And, yeah, it’s not
revelation– it should be like and I’ve just, I think
I’ve hit the age now– because I’ve got old
people’s rights now– I can say what I want
and no one’s angry at me. You’ve always said
what you want. Yeah, I know, but now– but then they
thought it was nasty, now they just go, oh no, he
doesn’t know what he’s saying. I see. So it’s called Humanity. It is indeed. Why? I just thought it was
time to let the world know what an awful species we are. We’re the worst. Human beings? Yes. Yeah, all human beings. All human beings. I love all animals. Human beings– could
take or leave them. No, the show is sort of me– They’re the ones
coming to see you. You know that right? OK. I know, I tell them, I
say, look in the show I say, I don’t know why I called
it humanity, I’m not a big fan, I prefer dogs. Dogs are brilliant. Yeah it’s me whinging from
the most privileged position imaginable. Right. But I think most people
who come to see you know that you’re kind of joking. I mean, you’re kind of not. Of course. Well, we are animals,
yeah, and I like people. Yeah. They’re just not
my favorite animal. Because when you
do tours like that, you have to do a meet and
greet afterwards, so– Oh no, no, no, no. I’m in the car before
they finish clapping. [LAUGHTER] I play venues where the
car can get by the stage. I’m in my hotel room before
they’re out the venue. Sometimes I’ve
even held the door, so they can’t get around
to the stage door. I’m off. Wow. Helicopters, anything
to get me out of there. No meet and greets. I’m like Elvis. Yeah, I see. I am now. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] So you keep mentioning, Jane. You all have been
together for 35 years. I know. Which is a wonderful
amount of time. [APPLAUSE] And I think you and I are– They’re clapping
her, aren’t they? Really. Well done, Jane. How did you do that? We don’t know her, but wow. Exactly, yeah. Because Portia and I have been
together for 13 years now, and I feel like people still ask
us if we’re going to have kids. And it’s like we’re not. And people still– No, they ask people all
the time in the press, why don’t you have children? Which is a really odd
question to ask someone, why don’t you have children. Yeah. As opposed to asking people,
why do you have children? You know what I mean? [APPLAUSE] There’s loads of reasons
why I don’t love kids. Tell me some. Well, the world’s
over populated. No one’s sitting around going,
oh, Rick’s not having kids we’re going to run out. There’s loads. Yes. They’re scroungers. Aren’t they? From day one, me, me, me. Feed me. Clothe me. Yeah. You don’t even have to go on. That’s enough, that right there. I’d worry sick about our baby. I’ve got a cat, and
I worry about that. I check the door three
times before I go out. I put food water in
every room in case the shuts and it’s
peckish for 20 minutes. So, no, a human baby is
too much responsibility. I feel the exact same way. And I love my animals the
way you love your animals. I love animals so much. And when I see– and I post them
all the time on our Instagram– anyone rescuing an
animal, to me, is a hero. I agree. Anybody that sees
an animal in trouble and is rescuing an
animal is a hero. Yeah.

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