Articles, Blog

MY NEW AGE VAGEEN

August 15, 2019


Oh, hi! You’ve been with me for a while. You know I’m a little bit of a crunchy girl. I like the outdoors. I don’t really shave. I’m obsessed with kombucha, but as a fan of the au naturale I have discovered a few kind of weird things that are happening. Specifically, people are putting rocks in their vaginas. They’re called Yoni Eggs. Alright you guys, it is April 2nd, 2018 the year of our Lord, and I am ready to put an egg in my vagina. [laughs] So, I got this online, I boiled it to sterilize it… I also got… brought some lube along ’cause I am not about to stick a rock in my vag dry. I just want to give it a little whirl and see what it feels like. Okay, it’s in. Um, I immediately have to pee. Oh my god, it just came out! I just laid an egg! I… I can’t. What am I doing… so the website that I bought this from claims that this egg is a sacred object that will relieve my period cramps, give me a better sex life, just help me connect to my inner feminine energy… um, I’ve spent the last 15 minutes mostly just thinking about my life and my choices. I can see why people like it. There’s, like, a fullness, and you definitely, like, feel it. Honestly, it feels like, you know, a small vibrator or a bullet or something. You know, I have… I have concerns. So if you’re the type of person that is into, you know, more “woo woo” spiritual stuff, I’m not here to rain on your parade; as long as it makes you happy, you do you, but I think there are safety issues involved, and also lies. Yoni Eggs are usually made of jade or rose quartz, which are porous rocks that can harbor bacteria and cause infections. Not only that, but I find the claims that these companies are making really predatory. Like if somebody is struggling with their sex life or hormonal imbalances, painful periods… those are problems to solve with the help of a health care provider, so on that front Yoni Eggs are a scam. Just plain and simple. The only claim that I’ve seen around that has some inkling of truth is the claim that it can help to tone vaginal muscles. Some people are calling it “vaginal weightlifting,” which is just a clickbait term for kegels, and everyone, whether you have a vagina or not, can benefit from kegels… and you do not need any special equipment to do it. Kegels are when you contract your pelvic floor muscles over and over again. Those are the same muscles that you use to stop a stream of pee. When your pelvic floor muscles get ripped, a lot of good benefits from it. You know, you have stronger orgasms, for males, it can help them have multiple orgasms; it can help with some bladder control issues, it’s not a magic bullet, but it helps. That said, just shoving this thing up your vagina isn’t gonna do that on its own. It’s the practice of kegels that does that, and if you want to up your kegel game, you know, make it a little bit harder, Ben Wa Balls are safer than Yoni Eggs, because they’re weighted for one thing, and they’re made of non-porous material. There’s also a new thing called “vaginal steams.” I was actually at an event last week, and they were handing these out so you could give yourself a v-steam. Some small businesses are selling, you know, special v-steam pots and herbal mixes but more often, this is like a spa thing. One such spa right here in L.A. claims that the v-steam will cure painful periods, endometriosis, vaginismus, and infertility. Gwyneth Paltrow and her company GOOP, who have brought a lot of these “woo-woo” things to the mainstream, claim that these steams can balance your hormones and clean your uterus. Oh god… Why no sex ed? The uterus doesn’t need to be cleaned. Like, do we clean other internal organs? No! Because that’s weird. And, unnecessary, which brings me to my second question: Why? For you to reach the uterus, the steam would have to be able to travel up through the vagina, and into the tiny hole of the cervix, called the “cervical os.” Bearing in mind that the vagina lays flat! And just like douches and Yoni Eggs and all the things, it can aggravate infections, or make you more susceptible to them, especially yeast infections, because yeast loves moisture. This is not even to mention the obvious risk of course, which is burning your f**king vulva on hot-ass steam! Why we do this? It’s possible that some people are, you know, being turned on by this. The heat can help draw blood to the genitals. Oh my god, wait, is this a kink? Oh my god you guys, am I kink-shaming? I’ve talked in the past about how feminine hygiene companies will sell things like douches and sprays that claim to “clean your vagina.” These products can cause infections, they mess up your pH balance, they’re just bad news. A very similar thing seems to be happening but it is repackaged for the “enlightened feminist woman,” instead of douches and sprays, now it’s Yoni Eggs and vaginal steams. Between the old-school products and the New Age stuff, a similar theme here is: cleanliness. There’s a really popular idea that vaginas are gross and dirty, so, here, buy these products that will fix it. I’ll probably say this, like, a million more times in my life: they are not dirty. Vaginas are self-cleaning. Another reason people buy this stuff is because they… they want to take care of their vaginal health. If you want to give your vag a little extra TLC, here are five things that you can do. The first is to eat probiotic-rich foods, things like kombucha, miso, sauerkraut, and yogurt all help populate that good gut bacteria, which acts basically as your vagina’s army. And then you want to feed that army fruits and vegetables. Number two is to opt for those cotton undies. They let your vag breathe. And the rest are with your healthcare provider. Number three is to get your HPV vaccine, number four is to get STI screenings regularly, number five is to get your pap smears on time. All of these things will help prevent cancers, infections, diseases, and the badness. And that, my friend, is a healthy vag. Lastly, I think a big selling point of the New Age products is that they claim to help people get in touch with their bodies. And there are lots of ways to do that, depending on what you’re comfortable with, you know, when it comes to your sexuality, I always suggest masturbation! Experiment with self-touch, with being naked at home, tracking your menstrual cycle.. some people like to track their cycle alongside the moon, so they can actually predict when their period’s gonna start based on the moon phase, which I think is kinda cool. And if it’s the feeling of having something in your vagina that’s not sexual, that’s kind of healing, then try out Ben Wa Balls, or other kegel devices that are non-porous. Your vagina will thank you. I’ll see y’all next time. Bye!

100 Comments

  • Reply tiredOFperfection May 24, 2018 at 9:12 pm

    For a different point of view check out Layla Martin on youtube.

  • Reply Joseph Martinez May 25, 2018 at 4:56 pm

    A friend of mine said laci green is a rapist

  • Reply Upstate Stuck May 26, 2018 at 11:27 am

    Chia seeds are excellent fuel for a health gut biome.

  • Reply domnikoli May 26, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    can you put it in your butt too? for science of course.

  • Reply Micayla Vargas May 27, 2018 at 3:18 am

    Yoni eggs with herbs inside!!!! You need to check that out! Women are posting their discharge on YouTube from the eggs. They are usually yoni egg reviews. I would love to hear what you have to say about those.

  • Reply BurnRoddy May 27, 2018 at 11:46 am

    Would you expect it to just stay in there? That place is meant to hold things only temporarily, up to nine months top I'd say.

  • Reply Dick Hurtz May 28, 2018 at 8:54 pm

    Do you have down syndrome? looks like it

  • Reply garet claborn May 29, 2018 at 9:56 am

    welp. learn something…every day…i guess…lmao

  • Reply Robert Hall June 3, 2018 at 1:05 pm

    Shave… Thats just gross

  • Reply Gone Bananas June 4, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    Hey Lace, just wondering. When ever I go down on my girl, and i know her control panel. Stimulating her mid vagina with her vibrating ball, while I stimulate her clit. She dowses all over, but she says its natural lubricant, but I see it coming from her urethra. She is clean from any STD's since we get tested once a month. Don't know why, she is my only sex partner, as far as i know. I know there are two more orifices between the vaginal opening. Is squirting peeing or an orgasm. I mean she is my girl, so i dont mind having contact with her fluids. Basically, is squirting her expelling urine, or other substances?

  • Reply Janet Phoenix June 6, 2018 at 12:22 am

    Yoni eggs are a scam in your opinion because you don’t believe in the power of crystals. That would be a more accurate way to say it. Just cause u don’t believe in something don’t mean it don’t exist 😛

  • Reply Trevor Eichacker June 7, 2018 at 5:40 am

    Love this way more then anything else, then your political views

  • Reply Orion Han June 8, 2018 at 11:05 am

    I see you got the 'beginners' rock 😉
    ….Seriously though sounds like a scam

  • Reply Skull1901 June 9, 2018 at 4:39 pm

    Gotta shave for chris

  • Reply Deann Mazins June 10, 2018 at 5:39 am

    LOL.. when I sold Sex Toys, I used to also advocate for kegels, etc, and I'd say that when you bought vag weights great, wear them, just don't "run down the stairs" ..
    you dropping your egg was exactly why.. 😉 thanks for the vid ..

  • Reply JUST PILL June 11, 2018 at 3:04 am

    I eat a steak and it was good. I will eat even more and then eat a veal sandwich while having a nice cold glass of milk from a cow who's calf died in front of them.

  • Reply Mathieu van Leeuwen June 12, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    Yah, Gwyneth Paltrow says a lot of things…

  • Reply fefi June 13, 2018 at 11:49 pm

    Things fall out of my vagina. The steam seems to help them drop out..

  • Reply Mr. SlippyFists Mr. SLIPPYFISTS June 15, 2018 at 1:17 am

    I got 50 bucks that that snatch has teeth.

  • Reply Anthony Dach June 15, 2018 at 9:04 am

    Wait someone monetized a rock? "Just put in your vagana, got gud sex!" ??? Profit. Nice

  • Reply Dominus Ghaul June 15, 2018 at 7:50 pm

    Before she even said anything I was thinking "This one looks like the type to rock a huge, full blown bush." And four seconds later "… you know i"m not really into shaving." Like damn, you really can tell just from the look of someone sometimes. Good for you, you dirty little hippy.

  • Reply HXL June 18, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    Feminine energy 😂😂 please. It's a fucking rock in your gash. Just get a boyfriend, if you can that is.

  • Reply Truly Greg June 18, 2018 at 8:43 pm

    I clean my tongue , isn’t that an organ .

  • Reply Akira Semisan June 20, 2018 at 1:35 pm

    Fact of the day-Boiling it makes it easier to scrap in to the trash.

  • Reply Avian Flight June 20, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    Laci Geen Raped Me.

  • Reply Robert Boemke June 21, 2018 at 12:39 am

    I really doubt probiotic foods make the good bacteria travel to your vagina. They'd have to go through your bloodstream which is fucking antiseptic.

    For the probiotic yoghurt to help against yeast infections you gotta smear it directly into your vagina. Some people do it. I doubt it's very harmful. Go ahead.

    I agree with all the other stuff you've said.

  • Reply BIG SEXY June 21, 2018 at 3:38 am

    Hey girl I wanna tounge punch ur box

  • Reply BIG SEXY June 21, 2018 at 3:39 am

    Ru from Tennessee? Cuz ur the only 10 I see

  • Reply Tim Bucktwo June 21, 2018 at 9:09 pm

    Lacy needs to clean her uterus. Many many times…

  • Reply Mr NoBull June 22, 2018 at 6:48 am

    I have concerns lol 😂

  • Reply oldschool1987 June 23, 2018 at 4:54 am

    Poor Chris.

  • Reply Dick Head June 23, 2018 at 10:48 pm

    I hope your parent is proud and you never have children.

  • Reply Gab riela June 24, 2018 at 2:04 am

    Love the "in the year of our lord"

  • Reply G B June 25, 2018 at 11:23 pm

    I NEED to see her in a porn

  • Reply Tikal The Whimsicott June 29, 2018 at 5:58 am

    Chris better make a men's version of this video

  • Reply Bri July 1, 2018 at 6:00 am

    You mean ben wa balls? It goes up ur ass btw.

  • Reply Tracey Orball July 4, 2018 at 2:15 am

    her Vagina smells Rancid.trust me i knw!

  • Reply Ayberch July 7, 2018 at 8:37 pm

    "I just laid an egg" lmaooo 😂 She knows what she's talking about. Kegel exercises are useful indeed, the rock is scam lol

  • Reply Wizard of Aus July 8, 2018 at 1:45 am

    Can in tongue punchbyour fart box?

  • Reply Zacharias728 July 11, 2018 at 1:11 am

    Vaginas are awesome just the way they are. No improvement needed.

  • Reply fevgg July 12, 2018 at 1:25 am

    fucking is much better by the way. hope you don't have boyfriend. Take this egg, go to your parents and introduce them their new son-in-law

  • Reply DANIEL LEEPER July 12, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    WTF

  • Reply 8Bit Gamer July 12, 2018 at 10:07 pm

    What came first? the rotten egg or Laci's smelly vagina

  • Reply Luke Gange July 13, 2018 at 8:58 am

    Just here to dislike, don't mind me 🙂

  • Reply AntiangelRaphael July 13, 2018 at 7:45 pm

    "oh my gawd, I just laid an egg" Make my day 😀

  • Reply Deoncey Clinaj July 14, 2018 at 5:38 am

    She as bad as people say she is

  • Reply Felix July 17, 2018 at 5:53 pm

    It's interesting how far Laci has come since Chris and her got together. From one of the most hated feminist to
    M e m e i n i s t

  • Reply J C July 18, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    For science!!!

  • Reply DmaxHd July 19, 2018 at 9:51 pm

    By the way you look like obesity is in your future .

  • Reply DNA AUSTRALIA July 22, 2018 at 11:54 am

    You are one very very sick and damaged girl…. but there is still hope…

  • Reply baglad July 25, 2018 at 5:44 pm

    Laci Green raped me and the police wont do anything about it

  • Reply dont Worry.mp3 July 26, 2018 at 6:42 am

    That thumbnail transition tho

  • Reply scdevon July 30, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    (Must not go to PornHub now……………Must not go to PornHub now…………)

  • Reply SycheRyder August 8, 2018 at 9:11 am

    y am i watching this

  • Reply Tommy Gannon August 8, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    New age cringe more like. Go away Thot.

  • Reply Cabbage August 11, 2018 at 10:52 pm

    1:00
    You know I just asked myself that

  • Reply jtpro August 14, 2018 at 4:38 pm

    This is the second video of yours I watched and I'm hooked. You have a perky funny personality the delivers informative messages. I wish there were more women around like you. 😀

  • Reply Ramiel August 16, 2018 at 1:20 pm

    The A1 protein in Cow milk will make you FAT.
    Or in some cases give you acne and/or dry skin. Among other things… Weird things, should not be type of things…

  • Reply einzeller85 August 22, 2018 at 8:43 am

    lol that's the "wanna grow 4 inches, just buy this pill" version for women xD can't believe it's allowed to make those claims for nonsensical products -.-

  • Reply William Heart August 22, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    The best Lacy Green could offer this world is to serve as a concubine. Those thick lips and fat cheeks have but one purpose: prevent my load from hitting her breast. Maybe we’ll allow her to have a bastard child or two but then it’s midwife duties for this putrid cum-dumpster.😎

  • Reply Jon Storm August 26, 2018 at 4:03 am

    Theres another word for all of that… Fraud. Praying on the gullible and weak minded people in society.

  • Reply pattmyn August 28, 2018 at 6:15 am

    I dono about you, but I frequently clean an internal organ of mine with vodka. I believe doctors refer to it as "the upper GI tract".

  • Reply Joshua Taylor Madison September 1, 2018 at 3:46 am

    "Ben Wah" balls are better.

  • Reply american desert September 6, 2018 at 2:02 am

    https://medium.com/@drsaidadesilets/why-doctors-research-say-jade-eggs-are-safe-gwyneth-paltrow-1fd10536c45f

  • Reply Stevie Wonder Woman September 6, 2018 at 4:28 am

    This is the first video of yours I watched and I think I should have clicked a different one

  • Reply Alex Sagar September 10, 2018 at 12:01 pm

    Will you Merry me 💓

  • Reply Nicholas Sway September 11, 2018 at 2:33 am

    Not my proudest crap.

  • Reply and ? September 12, 2018 at 10:07 am

    Yoni eggs? Racist!

  • Reply Lordwarship September 12, 2018 at 12:21 pm

    Females…

  • Reply Hannah Banana September 14, 2018 at 3:14 am

    The best way to get in touch with your body, is to just start touching it. Use those hands!

  • Reply Missed Anne Angel September 18, 2018 at 2:08 am

    Thank you for making this video it is informative.

  • Reply SPR_ Trantic September 19, 2018 at 9:43 pm

    There’s 2 genders fight me u Don’t no shot and u are fucking weird 2!!!! There’s only 2!!!! Nothing u say can change that

  • Reply Ely Powell September 25, 2018 at 12:03 am

    This girl's head is gargantuan!

  • Reply Sara Burke September 25, 2018 at 7:32 pm

    just buy kegel balls………………

  • Reply Becky Embers October 8, 2018 at 7:33 pm

    hahaha. Lay that egg, honey.

  • Reply Chris Oscelot October 23, 2018 at 5:06 am

    Wait until you look into ovipositer toys!

  • Reply Bob Rolander October 31, 2018 at 2:24 am

    Watch Stephen Colbert's take on this: https://youtu.be/jd_T_IYVVV4 (
    Stephen Cares About Your Health (For Money)
    )

  • Reply arielapp November 4, 2018 at 2:17 am

    emm, what, the????

  • Reply RealityBytes November 10, 2018 at 3:42 am

    I haven’t heard anything about these eggs, but I do use crystals for healing, but not shoving them in my vag.

    Also, if you have Pelvic Floor Dysfunction, DO NOT DO KEGELS. They can exacerbate your condition. Please, Laci, research this condition. Encouraging just anyone to do kegels is dangerous, and people who don’t know they have PFD can hurt themselves. I have this disorder and I would love to see you do a video on that because it’s so common and I’ve been living with it for years.

  • Reply spaghetti dude November 10, 2018 at 9:12 am

    a my ex, with an infection once cried because she said that I don't want to satisfy her orally.
    and I'm glad I didn't take off that condon.

  • Reply Jimbo _ Vids November 25, 2018 at 8:55 am

    EIN VOLK EIN REICH EIN FURHER

  • Reply Ed Ford December 2, 2018 at 10:34 pm

    …………….. sorry you deserve to be trolled for this dumb ass content.

  • Reply Rapportus5 December 3, 2018 at 7:09 am

    Wtf Laci chan…

  • Reply Get.Grounded December 11, 2018 at 6:37 am

    Also, yoni eggs, come in different sizes, so they are also…ahem…meant to be carried with you throughout the day….inside…and utilizing smaller and smaller sizes. What are they, ben wa balls?

  • Reply Max Otto December 17, 2018 at 9:27 am

    THE UTERUS SELF CLEANS. That is what a period is for.

  • Reply George Schlaline December 24, 2018 at 6:36 am

    What do know about God?

  • Reply Salvatore 125 Maurano December 27, 2018 at 4:27 am

    Pig oink oink

  • Reply Anal Beads December 28, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    No one gives a damn if your putting a damn egg up your puss I don’t think most people here wanna know

  • Reply Charlie Aguilar December 30, 2018 at 2:13 am

    Just be a porn star

  • Reply Don Baxter February 2, 2019 at 6:24 am

    Ugly

  • Reply Kobi February 9, 2019 at 12:21 pm

    LOL

  • Reply George Schlaline February 14, 2019 at 1:32 pm

    Only in 2019 do they do crazy stuff. People were religious in 1885

  • Reply zweck4629 March 8, 2019 at 11:58 am

    Lol, someone managed to convince woo-woo girls to do lewd stuff.

  • Reply Mauser 96 March 17, 2019 at 8:22 pm

    Crunchy girl? Wash your crotch more then.

  • Reply Ray Mak March 18, 2019 at 4:56 am

    What is happening to this world….

  • Reply Trenten P. April 1, 2019 at 4:52 am

    Nasty ass woman.

  • Reply John Irby April 12, 2019 at 1:18 am

    Ok…I get this now…I watched one video and now it keeps recommending this stuff. Laci Greene is a woman that posts videos about sex to people. I should try posting videos about how men feel! Well…how we feel with women..I guess. Also brass is what you should probably use if you're going to put an "egg" in you for a short period…It is difficult for brass to carry germs..Also the cycle of a woman's period can be be predicted by the moon….but so can their ovulation…so I don't know what that means…

  • Reply Isah Maazing May 29, 2019 at 1:17 pm

    Lacie I was randomly searching my old Tumblr. I loved so much of your stuff on Tumblr. Nice to see you are doing well, or at least we’re doing well when this video was made. Hugs and high fives

  • Reply virgo4200 July 4, 2019 at 11:43 pm

    Her pussy so loose she cant even keep a rock in it

  • Reply midi510 August 15, 2019 at 5:22 am

    Aside from many secondary benefits of strengthening your pelvic floor muscles, the primary purpose (from a spiritual POV) is to help move sexual energy away from your genitals during stimulation to avoid orgasm. You then move that energy up your spine and transform it and circulate it throughout your body, mind, and spirit. It's closely related to the system of chakras. I avoid orgasms by pulling the energy up my spine to keep myself just short of orgasm and can keep it there for hours. My seed is my vitality, my strength, and my clarity. As enjoyable as orgasms are. They have a huge cost. Pretty much all people are just used to a compromised state of being and have no idea how vitalized they'd be if they learned how to cultivate and harvest their sexual energy.

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