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MUSIC AS A THERAPY Pandaraps – Artist Stories

February 20, 2020


The only type of like negative
assumption I get like oh you can rap pretty well for a gay guy or a guy in
the queer community and you know because there’s generally just a lot of stigma around you know gay people in hip-hop. I’m Pandaraps, I’m a rapper,
a very poor producer and an alright musician. I started making music
when I was around like 17 or so. A couple of my buddies just like the beatbox
and we kind of did it as a party trick. My buddies kept on beating me so, I really worked hard at it so I could impress people at the party, at the time. After that I started writing more and it wasn’t until
I was like 24 or 25 when I like really got into it. ‘Damn, I’m so lonely’ ‘I wish I knew how to be fine, all by myself’ ‘Damn I’m so lonely’ ‘I wish I didn’t need to be around anyone else’ I don’t think I have like anyone track that
I’m most proud of at the moment there’re some that I think capture the
voice in my head better than others but I’ve gotten positive feedback on
one of my songs ‘Pretty Boy’ a decent amount, because I feel
people like the hook on that one because it spoke a lot to people who were in the
non-binary community at the time and there’s not really a lot of love songs out
there for that community. So, for that one I’ve received a lot
of people saying nice things. I’m glad they resonate with them. It feels good honestly to be able to
give representations of spaces that usually don’t have it and also it feels
good that people just like music in general. I’m genuinely shocked and surprised when
anyone does so thanks to those people. None of my family is really that musical
I don’t really come from that musical of a background. My dad really liked music and
he had a deep appreciation for it, for sure. My mom not so much. My dad though would come back
like playing lots of Sinatra and the Carpenters and like
odd old like Spanish records just playing way too loudly because he was
super old and you couldn’t hear very well. I mean I’ve always loved music,
you know I definitely have like a strong relationship with music and
it’s helped me out through like a lot of things. Like, when my dad passed away
when I was younger all I used to listen to was like just like this
playlist of like eight or nine really sad songs that would, that would kind of
just help get me through that time you know and just knowing that there are
other people who do feel that way and that you’re not really you know alone in
that like whatever dark place here and at the time. When I think about music as therapy,
I like to say it’s like a really good release just being able to let out those stops
that I wouldn’t do in real life. Just being able to
write my way through things that I wouldn’t be able to think my way through
or talk way through it’s just another way to I guess to express those feelings. I think I’m constantly overthinking
things like just all the time right now I’m overthinking things as we’re
speaking. I know I just tend to let my head get in the way sometimes, of just
everything, so I’m trying to not do that as much. I guess overthinking is shown in me,
just being generally socially awkward and also a lot in my music I tend to
just jump back and forth between whether
or not a take is right or whether or not you know a melody is right and trying to
figure out what words fit best I guess. I get my inspiration from kind of
everything around me the environments where that I’m in at the moment or the
people I’m with. I usually rap about, I guess whatever increased we had at the moment I usually end up doing something super serious or a lot more on the
light-hearted side of things so either go really darker or really humorous,
because of my kind of to default modes. I tend to use humor in my music because I
think the world’s already like a really really dark place and I’d like to be
able to kind of laugh at it at times you know so it’s easier for me to like yell
ironically that I’m very lonely rather than talking about that talking about
that from the heart sometimes. I think now I’m able to go more on
both of those extremes of humor and in darkness and find that middle ground a
little easier but I’m still I still think the best is yet to come.

3 Comments

  • Reply The Vid delete February 20, 2020 at 2:58 pm

    Big Love From Cambodia

  • Reply Bass Town Ncs February 20, 2020 at 3:09 pm

    lovely video

  • Reply David Yateman February 20, 2020 at 3:49 pm

    Nice!

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