Articles, Blog


October 18, 2019

Oh oh who’s the sickest kid on the block. That’s me! I am. I’ve got strep throat and the flu right now *Dramatic booms* I just woke up from a fourteen hour nap Maybe it was a longer. I haven’t really been keeping track of time very well. But I feel great! So let’s do a little fun sick video. I haven’t done a fun sick video since I got my wisdom teeth removed. And I love that video! Look at my fucking magic water. It’s not alcohol, it’s just bubble water. It helps me drink *takes a sip* It makes my throat feel good. Don’t draw while sick. *trying to be dope as possible* *cough, cough* So I just got back from California which was awesome, It was a great time. But airplanes make you sick. They do. Don’t go on airplanes. They’re bad news. Everybody on there is sick. and they cough in your face and then you come home and you’re sick. Don’t go on airplanes. It’s not worth it. Take horses everywhere (life quote Hannah Hoffman 2017) I went on a horse on vacation. No. That’s a lie, it was a mule. Did you know that mules are horses and donkeys put together? But they can’t make babies. Take that as a fucking life lesson. What do you think about that? *Rustling from roommate Tony* I’m filming. You can come in! And it doesn’t have to be coherent, it’s already not. I’ve just been talking. *hugs him* I love you! Tony: I love you too
Hannah: Yaay T: I’ve hope you’re taking it easy though. H:I can’t hear you you’ve covered my ears. T:I said ‘I hope you’re taking it easy though’ H:I’m taking it so hard yooo T:nice H:oo yeah!! So Tony’s here now. Don’t be alarmed. I know he’s there. I’m aware of it. Look! I drew this. So I thought I would draw the things that have been going on in my fever dreams This is the girl that’s been trying to kill me. T:Oh. H:Are you gonna leave me for her? T:No. H:Thank you T:Unless…she actually does kill you and then I’ll think about it. *laughter* H:That’s fair. I can respect that. I went to the Grand Canyon. I don’t think it’s real. You know why it’s not real? It’s cause we live in a hologram. It’s not real. I don’t believe in it. Hm-mm. You heard it here first, folks. Grand Canyon is not real. It’s a ruse. The government loves their people. Fucking don’t drink the water, they’re poisoning the water supply I look like I’m sweating. Am I sweating? I don’t, I-I’m cold. These are the things that-oh no! These are things I’ve been trying to collect. T: Nice. Very metapods H:Oh my God. It is a metapod isn’t it? H:Well, I was running through the aisles of Target. T:Oh, so they’re not like out in the forest? H:Nope. H:Uh sometimes. There was one under a tree stump. T:You had to, like, remove a tree stump? H:No it kinda came open like a hatch. H:Like T:Oh… *Hannah making hatch noises* But it was a real tree. T:It was alive still. H:No… T:Oh, no. H:Yeah, yeah T:O-oh okay. *Tony laughing* H:Next one! Having a fever isn’t good. You gotta drink water, and the water doesn’t taste good if you have the flu. It tastes like cough syrup and snot. So don’t drink water. Drink bubble water. That’s what I have right here. It’s bubble lem-lime, lime bubble water. It makes you better, and then you won’t be sick anymore. But it makes you cold too. So bring a sweater. I got my sweater at Alcatraz, look. I went to Alcatraz too. I’m getting ahead of myself. I went to a Del Taco. I haven’t eaten in fourty-eight hours. That’s not true. I had a lot of yogurt Eat yogurt if you’re sick. Pro tip: don’t fucking cry, craft. (If you don’t get that reference what are you doing here) Pro tip. T:Oh. There’s the blood! Is he, like, weird Tremor’s worm? H:Nobody gets that reference. H:I’m gonna have to put in a clip of Tremors. T: Those’s were my jam back then. H:Tony made me watch all of the Tremor’s movies T:We did NOT watch all of the Tremor movies. H:Well, like felt like it. T:I think we watched one. H:It felt like it cause they were awful. T:Does he have tiny little feet underneath of him? H:Yeah he doesn’t squiggle like a worm, he walks like a regular dude. T:Ohhh… H:No he’s my bro. T:Oh, okay. H:He’s been cool. He’s not been messing with me too much he jut follows me around. T:He just follows you? He doesn’t do anything? H:He doesn’t do anything. T:So why the blood bed? H:I mean, he eats things. Just not me. T:Oh okay. H:I mean, you eat! T:I do. Usually it-there’s not that much blood around when I eat.. H:Well, these are back in primitive times, yo. Where are there are only Targets. *giggles* H:I realize that, that’s a little conflicting. *laughter* He was in Target with me. He doesn’t have any money though. *more laughter* See you tonight, friend. *blows a kiss* Alcatraz is cool. There’s creepy Karpis.. and the bird man. They only killed like, two people. Get on Bundy’s level, yo. Am I right? But Alcatraz was cool. You get to see grenade marks on the floor Tha-that was good. That was the cool part. And you get to hear prisoners talking. Not in real life, but in your head. This is my other friend! T:He’s cute. H:He’s just cute little dude. T:Does he have six legs? H:Yeah! T:Oh neat. H:He needs to be extra sturdy so you can’t push him over. *Tony laughs* H:It’s very windy. T:Did you try that a lot? H:Well yeah! H:He’s really big by the way. He’s like, cow sized. T:Oh wow. H:Yeah… So he would be fun to tip over. T:So you just had a lot of friends, you were collecting metapod (somethings) while being hunted by some Katniss… H:Oh fuck she is like Katniss. *Tony laughs* H:I hope I keep having a fever so I can keep visiting them. T:You’ve gotten attached. H:Yeah… No. *laughter* H:No I’m sick of it… literally. *Hannah trying to be dope again* H:Shit man, Imma take a nap. *quick laugh* H:Here’s a Pandatime. And I only energy for one. I’m gonna put my hands down now. H:That’s a good Pandatime right there. T:That is a a good Pandatime. H:I love you all so much. H:And I will see you soon! Buh-bye!! *pants* *end card music* H: I don’t have any pants on. But I have two pairs of underwear on. That’s the truth.


  • Reply ryan fire August 12, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    your fever dreams sound like jumanji

  • Reply Wolf E Wolf September 17, 2018 at 8:27 pm

    Why is this actually me while I am sick

  • Reply Danny Galitzer November 17, 2018 at 3:07 am

    rewatching this when ive got laryngitis and a 101.4° fever is honestly a delightful experience and I feel like this is what the afterlife feels like

  • Reply smol.nick December 3, 2018 at 5:58 pm

    felt the need to come back to this
    video as recently i had many fever dreams in one consecutive night
    i was v dehydrated bc i got vErY dEpReSsEd aNd DiDnT dRiNk
    and two of the ones i can remember is the thumb thumbs from spy kids were trying to put a knitted sweater on me and i kept running
    and the other i was the vessel for the antichrist and sweet baby lucifer popped out of me and was like "sup"
    then i had sleep paralysis lol
    welp this was fun bAcK iNtO tHe iNtErNeT i gO

  • Reply red art act December 19, 2018 at 2:38 am

    Wait, can I jump into a hologram?

  • Reply red art act December 19, 2018 at 2:41 am

    and the bird man don’t worry, this is normal for her.

  • Reply TheDuckside_ - January 9, 2019 at 5:52 pm

    I loved the tremors movies when I was young

  • Reply Maria Brader January 16, 2019 at 2:53 pm

    Here everytime i'm sick ? i ain't suffering alone

  • Reply Emma B April 14, 2019 at 2:47 am

    "I went to Alcatraz too… I'm getting ahead fo myself……I went to Dell taco…."
    That is my life

  • Reply Skert Skeet June 28, 2019 at 3:41 am

    “No he doesn’t slither around he walks like a regular dude”

    Now I just imagine A six foot tall worm like creature walking around on its 6 inch feet.

  • Reply Remi settersten September 16, 2019 at 12:30 am

    Hannah: this is the person whose been trying to kill me

    Tony: oh

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