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If You Don’t Know, Now You Know: Mental Health Stigma in the Black Community | The Daily Show

December 21, 2019


There are few groups
who could stand to benefit from therapy
more than black people. I mean, think about
all the things black people have been through– slavery, segregation, winter, all equally
traumatic experiences. But unfortunately, even as therapy has become
more mainstream, the black community
has had a tough time getting the help that they need. WOMAN: It’s hard enough
to get mental health treatment in the U.S., but studies show that racial
and ethnic minorities are significantly less likely to receive mental health
treatment than whites. WOMAN 2: Black and Hispanic
children are less likely to get mental health care
than white kids. And studies show
that irritability in the average white teenager
is often labeled as depression. That same behavior is more
likely to be seen as disruptive in black or Latino children,
and doctors say that can lead
to feelings of hopelessness at a very young age. Yes, one of the reasons many black people
don’t get the proper treatment is misdiagnosis. What is seen as depression
in white people can be seen as disruptive behavior
in black people. And this shouldn’t be
surprising, right? This kind of thing happens
in medicine all the time. Missed diagnoses. It’s like, when a black person
has a seizure, it’s a medical emergency, but when a white person does it,
it’s called dancing. (laughter) But it turns out… -It turns out…
-(applause) …even when black people
are properly diagnosed with mental health issues,
it can still be a challenge to find a therapist who’s
equipped to handle their needs. WOMAN:
Making the crisis worse– not enough
African-American therapists. Today, only four percent
of psychologists are black. MAN: Kevin Darden says admitting
he needed help was actually easier
than finding it. He saw
three different therapists, but felt that none of them
understood the stress and emotions unique
to black men. WOMAN: When Taraji P. Henson’s
own son Marcell was struggling, she found it nearly impossible
to find him one. Trying to find
a culturally-competent therapist was like looking
for a purple unicorn with a gold horn. WOMAN 2:
Do they understand the cultural context from which
I’m coming from? Do they understand the culture that I live in? That’s right.
It’s extremely difficult for black people
to find a black therapist. And it’s been like this
for a very, very long time. I mean, that’s why
Martin Luther King, Jr. was always describing his dreams
to huge crowds. You know, it’s just like,
“I had another dream “that I’m being chased by bears
in my underwear! Does anyone here know
what that means?” (laughter) Now… now you may think… You may think that a therapist’s
race shouldn’t matter at all, and that’s true,
but if you think about it, it does make sense. For many white therapists,
no matter how good they are, it can be hard to understand
the particular experiences of a black person, you know? Just sitting there in a session,
even if they are trying, it could be like, “So you say
people are following you “around the store, “and you’re invisible,
but only to taxi drivers? Hmm. Paranoid delusions.” So when it comes
to mental health, there’s a very real struggle for black people
to access health care, get diagnosed correctly, and find a therapist
who can relate to them. But if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s another major hurdle
stopping black people from getting therapy, and it comes
from the black community itself. We have a stigma
in the black community when it comes
to dealing with mental health. WOMAN: Black students say,
where they come from, it’s shameful to talk about
anxiety, depression and trauma. MAN: It’s not okay to have
mental health issues, or, like, that’s a white people thing. I’ve-I’ve heard all the time.
Black men don’t go to therapy. They go to the barbershop. I told my own mother
that I was seeing a therapist, and she said, “You don’t need
to see a therapist. What you need
to do is see a preacher.” -You got Jesus.
-MAN: Right. -You don’t need anything else.
-Right. You know, just buck it up. Ah, yeah. That’s a line every black person
knows all too well. “You don’t need therapy.
You need Jesus!” And my response is always,
“Why can’t we use both?” Because church is
a great place for community, but therapy is great for
one-on-one mental health needs. I mean,
I bet Jesus himself wished he could have gone
to therapy at times, you know? Just be like,
“So, my best friend betrayed me, “and I was born
in a freaking barn. “Plus, my birthday always falls
on Christmas, “so I only get one set
of presents. It’s so shitty!” So, yes, part of the problem,
part of the problem is that there’s a major stigma in the black community
around therapy. And honestly, I can understand why many black people
would rather deal with problems at church. It’s a familiar place for us,
right? You trust the people there,
and it’s also a fun atmosphere. Like, therapy doesn’t seem fun. Church is-is cool.
I get it. In fact,
that’s what I was thinking. Maybe… maybe that’s one way we could try and help solve
this therapy crisis. We need to make therapy a little
bit more like black church, and I think
it would be pretty dope. I don’t know,
it’s just really hard for me to let people in. And I feel like it’s
probably because every time I show affection,
it just feels like weakness. Mm-hmm. Did y’all hear that? Did y’all hear what Brother
Jaboukie just said right here? Brother Jaboukie says
that he can’t show affection, because it feels like weakness. But before we can understand
what hurt us, you got to understand
who hurt us. Who hurt you, Brother Jaboukie? Hmm. Whoa. Wow. I-I would probably say my…
my father. ‘Cause he was
really emotionally distant. But, then, so was his father. Which is probably
where he got it from. The sins of the father… -passed down…
-(plays chord on organ) from generation to generation. And what will break this cycle? Other than a reflective analysis of the ego’s hold
on your psyche. I need to self-actualize. -You need to what?
-Self-actualize. Self-actualize! -Self-actualize.
-Self-actualize! ♪ Self-actualize,
self-actualize ♪ ♪ Self-actualize ♪ He’s gonna empower himself! ♪ Overcome his demons ♪ Deal with
his forgotten memories! ♪ Repression ♪ Confront his dysfunctional
avoidance of intimacy! ♪ He didn’t go to prom ♪ ♪ He didn’t go to prom,
he didn’t go to prom ♪ ♪ He didn’t go to prom. ♪ Look, uh, we’re out of time. We can now pick this up
next week. Right. Thank you so much. I’ve just been
going through a lot, -and it was really helpful
to talk… -(clearing throat) Sorry. Uh, it should actually
be covered. I have Blue Cross. Son, the only cross
in my network is Jesus. (organ playing)

100 Comments

  • Reply alp December 19, 2019 at 6:43 pm

    you only talk about one ethnic group why dont you care about hispanics, arabs, and asians

  • Reply I AM December 19, 2019 at 6:44 pm

    Why don't we all just go ahead and separate and see how it works for all of us? This is not a racist or a vindictive question or line of reasoning, but a legitimate question. We all gravitate towards what gives us comfort right? Why not just allow it to happen naturally and let communities take care of their own populations that culminate in them? Then we can for once see how that works out for each group. See which survive and which perish. Sure would be better then all of this racist finger pointing crap that only divides us all anyway.

  • Reply Steve Leverett December 19, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    This a dumbass idiot

  • Reply charlie mcfacefuck December 19, 2019 at 6:51 pm

    Now talk about THE IQ gap.

  • Reply Takawi Peters December 19, 2019 at 6:51 pm

    ¡Kente ⭕️ Circle in MN! Black owned & operated✨My therapist is dope, a Black male under 30…and he gets astrology?

  • Reply Zombie Killa December 19, 2019 at 6:54 pm

    we atheist dont have that kind of shitty problems , we throw the weakest infants into the cliff of shame, only the strongest offspring will pass on their genes!

  • Reply Veronica Elliott December 19, 2019 at 7:00 pm

    This is a very good story Trevor! Well done

  • Reply Renea Richards December 19, 2019 at 7:01 pm

    ❤?❤?❤

  • Reply Warehouse TheWoodman December 19, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    So, true. White kid’s depression is Black kid’s aggression… White kid needs a hug. Black kid needs a spanking.

  • Reply Warehouse TheWoodman December 19, 2019 at 7:12 pm

    That is true, too. Therapy makes you seem weak. This is why most people of color do not seek and receive the true therapy that they need….

  • Reply Pamela Cassise December 19, 2019 at 7:16 pm

    It was great until you pulled out the plate.

  • Reply Mobile Sales01 December 19, 2019 at 7:22 pm

    Has depression always been around or something that's now a new trend.. why wasn't this a thing years ago..society..social media?

  • Reply mstrusosweet December 19, 2019 at 7:31 pm

    I hope everyone who need help receive it.

  • Reply Vegan Dolls December 19, 2019 at 7:44 pm

    Trevor Noah the Public Masturbator speaks on mental health

  • Reply never wrong KB B December 19, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    Lol winters

  • Reply Everything of world December 19, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    Why emphasize on therapy more ….? Eliminate the root cause behind it…

  • Reply Asif Kv December 19, 2019 at 8:08 pm

    Please tell about the Citizen amendment bill and protests in India, we are suffering fascist police action..

  • Reply Sam C December 19, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    Rising Up
    The Honest man you should be voting for
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ZhkKATtqtU

  • Reply Tara Streetman December 19, 2019 at 8:26 pm

    There is a difference between culturally competent and a therapist of the same race. Tho studies show the more comfortable and connected you feel to your therapist the more effective it is.

  • Reply Teresa Thayn December 19, 2019 at 8:34 pm

    Love that dress! Looked like she's full of holes! Neato.

  • Reply Teresa Thayn December 19, 2019 at 8:36 pm

    Grandma said only the rich can afford to have a nervous breakdown. She was right! "Just deal with it!" Medicare For All is the answer! Go Bernie!

  • Reply Khaniyah Mack December 19, 2019 at 8:37 pm

    Scrolling through the comments this is so true. I struggle with serious depression when I was 14. My father said we need to go to church my mother knew it more than just god n got the medical help I needed. The black Asian n Hispanic communities need to do better. We do deal with this the wrong way

  • Reply Audrey Chang December 19, 2019 at 8:38 pm

    Wait…so are asians??? Why are they ignoring asians?

  • Reply acajudi100 December 19, 2019 at 8:48 pm

    https://youtu.be/Au3QBbuyc2M

    https://youtu.be/_fwM8K8bWH4

  • Reply Mike Eckert December 19, 2019 at 8:49 pm

    better ask the democrat leaders if it's okay for their slaves to be asking questions.

  • Reply epigmelo December 19, 2019 at 8:50 pm

    therapy is a european concept. people of color still have traditions. you talk to an auntie uncle or elders. a therapist is when you ve lost relations in your family. too sterile.

  • Reply Chapter 2020 December 19, 2019 at 8:51 pm

    yang

  • Reply Omar Briseno December 19, 2019 at 8:59 pm

    Smoke some weed and have fun.

  • Reply Miles K December 19, 2019 at 9:05 pm

    If we're being honest with ourselves, they'd probably have better luck finding help in Africa.

  • Reply Lizee J December 19, 2019 at 9:09 pm

    WINTER !!!!!!!

  • Reply Dyna Ruvy December 19, 2019 at 9:20 pm

    I have another dream?????

  • Reply Pat Brown December 19, 2019 at 9:27 pm

    Yes, there was humor, but I wanted to cry. I'm 70 years old and I had hoped to see the day when black and white were truly equal. It saddens me to no end that I won't see that day before I die.
    I am white.

  • Reply Sweetie Pie December 19, 2019 at 9:38 pm

    Schools are mandated to help but they ignore black and mexican children because they would be entitled to educational programs that would keep them from suspensions and expulsions. Schools would rather deal with kids that way that than help them. It's part of the pipeline to prison.

  • Reply rare vision llc December 19, 2019 at 9:41 pm

    This is no laughing matter I'm going through this right now with my son in Portland Oregon don't mock what you can't change

  • Reply Sir, December 19, 2019 at 9:45 pm

    "a lack of black therapists" …. because therapists from other races can't help people ? ….. go watch the morgan freeman video on youtube about black history month from a 60 minutes interview.

  • Reply Intercat December 19, 2019 at 9:49 pm

    This is so important, and the comments are heartrending. But Roy Wood just roared away with the whole conv … trying to show respect for the commenters …. but y'all are just gonna have to give me a second. Hahahahahaha …

  • Reply The.Salty.Sarlacc December 19, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    Whenever I tell my family I have suicidal depression, they say I'm just "being dramatic."
    OK BOOMER

  • Reply The.Salty.Sarlacc December 19, 2019 at 10:06 pm

    Whenever I tell my family I have suicidal depression, they say I'm just "being dramatic."
    OK BOOMER

  • Reply ArchoNils Privat December 19, 2019 at 10:14 pm

    who do you need a black therapist? Do you seek segregation?

  • Reply Max 2.0 December 19, 2019 at 10:23 pm

    I know this guy is a comedian but with all do respect, this is exactly why black people don't reach out to other races for help because we're always looked upon as a joke. The only times we're taken seriously, is when we start our own business or we start buying up territory or hook up with other people in other races or we break records or we make something out of nothing or when we hit the millionaire mark against all odds. Then and only then, not only will we be taken serious, but we will also be considered a threat.

  • Reply emisoccer • December 19, 2019 at 10:39 pm

    Black and Hispanic kids are poor that’s why

  • Reply frank sigwart December 19, 2019 at 10:53 pm

    Astroids hit earth sometimes.

  • Reply Carl DiFrancesco December 19, 2019 at 11:03 pm

    Everyone been saying that for centuries……you always just give us helpers a shitty attitude…..and HATE?

  • Reply Carl DiFrancesco December 19, 2019 at 11:04 pm

    Oh, now that everyone is "employed"……NOW,you want "quality!?" ???????

  • Reply John Hickson December 19, 2019 at 11:11 pm

    "He didnt go to prom, he didnt go to prom!!"

  • Reply Karabo ManneZA December 19, 2019 at 11:12 pm

    Our psychologists are rappers

    My favorite is Kendrick Lemar

  • Reply Marlene Parker December 19, 2019 at 11:24 pm

    The medical schools also teach that black folks don't get depressed.

  • Reply weave snatched December 19, 2019 at 11:31 pm

    “Getting stressed, depressed, panic attacks, anxiety is a white person thing. It’s a mindset.”

  • Reply mahdi bkh December 19, 2019 at 11:45 pm

    therapist : so you felling scared, when seeing a cop?
    guy: yes.
    in his mind : yep… paranoia.

  • Reply In Saiyan One December 19, 2019 at 11:45 pm

    I bet Jesus also needed therapy because everyone still seems okay using a white picture of him in videos in 2019.

  • Reply Gus Of The Dorks December 19, 2019 at 11:56 pm

    "Care about the mental health of black people!" Says the man famous for employing people that regularly laugh at the suicide of men and makes fun of many of the things that are needed for healthy and well adjusted indaviduals.

  • Reply Anonymous December 19, 2019 at 11:57 pm

    Mental Healthcare = the new blankets with small pox for black people? The white illuminati hustle to screw over black people apparently using gay pawns to promote it after tons of Atrazine dumped in the water?

  • Reply Janis Coyote December 20, 2019 at 12:13 am

    Left out Native Americans, please don't leave out Native Americans

  • Reply Luther Burbank December 20, 2019 at 12:19 am

    I cant tell, is trevor black, white, or aboriginal?

  • Reply BudTenders'GuidetotheGalaxy December 20, 2019 at 12:29 am

    excellent work Mr. Wood Jr

  • Reply mozam the arrogant popchips fag December 20, 2019 at 12:40 am

    3:49 Also in hispanic families too.
    source: im hispanic

  • Reply Drake Koefoed December 20, 2019 at 12:44 am

    shrinks have to understand people with beliefs like this from mmpi: "I believe my ideas can become insects". just because a guy is black does not mean a therapist cannot understand him, even if the therapist is a woman

  • Reply annellev December 20, 2019 at 12:45 am

    Unfortunately, this is a problem all over the world, this sort of stigma. It’s a continuing struggle. We need to understand that if the body gets sick, so does the brain. See a doctor for both.

  • Reply Komrade Young December 20, 2019 at 12:50 am

    I love how Black people think they're the only other race in America and that they suffered the most….try being a Native American ?

  • Reply Creep December 20, 2019 at 1:06 am

    White males have the highest percentage of suicide, thearepy is not fucking racist you dumbass

  • Reply TheWhiteWhale December 20, 2019 at 1:06 am

    Wow, another 'blame white people' segment. How original.

    Why did this clown move to a predominantly white nation?

    Because he knows it's nonsense. This whole segment buries the lead in favor of scapegoating and demagoguery.

  • Reply 艾丽马 December 20, 2019 at 1:18 am

    i’m hoping we see a big generational shift with this, we have to break the cycle

  • Reply Are Gup December 20, 2019 at 1:33 am

    The Trump/GOP tax cuts for the wealthy will add over $1.5 trillion in debt,” said the National Committee to Preserve Social Security and Medicare. “Now we know how they’ll pay for those tax cuts, by cutting Social Security and Medicare.

  • Reply Tea Of The World December 20, 2019 at 2:57 am

    It’s so hard to find the right therapist

  • Reply Cherisse Rivera December 20, 2019 at 3:53 am

    Trevor I’m glad the show has brought this issue to the attention of more viewers. This is very serious and it’s been an issue for quite a while

  • Reply Carlingmazoe Mazoe December 20, 2019 at 3:59 am

    Can anyone explain to me what is nerve breakdown

  • Reply sweetazn208 December 20, 2019 at 4:00 am

    Some people can't afford therapy. It gets hella expensive. But its not the only resource to help deal with your thoughts and emotion.

  • Reply Toria Rose December 20, 2019 at 4:17 am

    Um yeah, i can see how it would be even more difficult for black ppl, but ya' gotta know it's pretty much the same across the board. I've been to a lot of different therapists over the years, and it was a rare one that was actually worthy. I've sat across from several of them thinking, omfg, I could help this person more than she could help me. They don't look physically healthy, one that looked like she was maybe 400 lbs (obesity, often a sign of sexual abuse as a child…eating disorders in general) … One that freaked that I accidentally spilled water (that she gave me) on her carpet… Some of them just yawn and grab their prescription pad … Hint, many ppl get into this profession because of the traumas they experienced as children. So yeah, in general, it's really difficult to find a good one. Thing is, if all of us humans would be less ashamed of having mental health issues (and most of us have them), then just maybe we'd have more ppl to talk to about it (because they're not afraid to admit they can relate). I think it should be something strongly incorporated in public school. We have classes to teach physical health education, how about teach us about emotional health education? Help establish groups where children and young adults can talk about their emotions and all. Don't wait until they come back to shoot up the school. Sometimes a kid (or other human being) just needs one person to really hear them, just one person to say they understand, that they're sorry that this happened to them… For most ppl, the "cure" really isn't rocket science.

  • Reply Arkila Covington December 20, 2019 at 4:24 am

    Thank you Trevor for covering this. I'm a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in 2 states. I appreciate this coverage.

  • Reply Byron Anderson December 20, 2019 at 4:25 am

    I was stressed and depressed and I went to a therapist for help. He met the pastor of the church which I attended and right-away told me that the guy was a manipulator, get away from him. The pastor only concerns during my time of depression was if I'm still going to pay my tithes to the church? Ain't that some shit?

  • Reply Adil Choudhury December 20, 2019 at 4:47 am

    Men dont need therapy,they should stop bitching and act like a man. Unless the want to be a sissy and not masculine! Manly!

  • Reply ANDREW AGUIRRE December 20, 2019 at 5:35 am

    I don't think therapist help me when I don't know

  • Reply Manny M December 20, 2019 at 5:46 am

    Bro they said black and Hispanic people!!why this man making it look like it’s just one type minority that needs help??? And sadly both him and the people in the videos don’t even talk about the asian community!!!

  • Reply Jennifer Hall December 20, 2019 at 7:17 am

    WTF people come on, this is why people of color have such stigmas about going to a therapist.

  • Reply marlys mcgregor December 20, 2019 at 8:21 am

    Ben Shapiro needs to read this while he's getting spanked. 1000 times. Then he'll still never get it. I'm sorry. Hopefully knowing at least one of us gets that they couldn't possibly get it & stay out of it unless it's telling other white people to shut up about what to do bcz we'll never get it. It should be like "What this community needs (or wants, should already have) is…" & people start taking notes then give it or apologize.

  • Reply Isadora Costa Hamsi December 20, 2019 at 10:51 am

    A lot of Asians here today! Good wishes for all minorities with health problems. I am a Latin with anxiety and even though I am not a minority (I live on my country) the Latin culture still stigmatises it a lot.

  • Reply sunnysideup December 20, 2019 at 11:34 am

    Same w Asians.

  • Reply Ronin Trainer December 20, 2019 at 11:42 am

    "And that can lead to small children being body slammed and taken to rooms with no cameras by cops in schools to kick our children's teeth out"

  • Reply AeronoidWD December 20, 2019 at 12:25 pm

    Trevor? Where do you get your hair cut? A fancy Salon? Try a Brooklyn barber shop…. its a whole new experience. You'll get things off your chest and some good advice in return. Go.

  • Reply donnell outlaw December 20, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    Sad. Back in the day, Black people were said to be less prone to pain. Definitely want to still be a Psychologist or Therapy to help the black community. Cultural and Social matters needs to be included.

    #BlackMentalHealthStigmaNeedstoDie

  • Reply Gerard Mcparland December 20, 2019 at 1:58 pm

    is everything with this guy about blacks …

  • Reply Merlon Lemmy December 20, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    It is incredible how Trevor and democrats always attempt to fire up the afro community against whites. Sorry, but there is no living person today who “went through slavery”, so to say that people are suffering from depression because of that is just plain lying and ethno politics. Also, how super racist is this video by the way?! If one was to change all the “whites” to “black” and vice versa, one would be on the front page of CNN the next day. Shame on the daily show, shame on Trevor that they became a prostitute of politics and lost all their decency and principles just to gain some democrat viewers… they do all this to the expense of black society

  • Reply delonix regia December 20, 2019 at 3:48 pm

    If you are being harassed and discriminated because of your skin colour no amount of therapy will help you.

  • Reply Oneil Williams December 20, 2019 at 3:55 pm

    In America, u would find 1 easy in Africa were we belong

  • Reply Murenzi prince Michael December 20, 2019 at 3:58 pm

    hi trevor ! have a cheerful weekend men

  • Reply s van swieten December 20, 2019 at 4:10 pm

    For an Asian this is a sign of failure.

  • Reply Michael Jahanian December 20, 2019 at 4:11 pm

    Why can't we use both?… because it's not good for mental health to believe in an imaginary man in the sky.?

  • Reply Themba Nzima December 20, 2019 at 4:55 pm

    So no one here knows what it means to dream being chased by bears and one's underwear?

  • Reply creolefemme1 December 20, 2019 at 5:43 pm

    Stop with the Jesus jokes!

  • Reply Rayne Weber December 20, 2019 at 8:09 pm

    I need a black therapist, and Im white

  • Reply Chris P December 20, 2019 at 9:07 pm

    so true. i'm a veteran and when I finally tried therapy, the Berkeley educated doctor kept steering our sessions to my relationship with my sister. After 5 or 6 sessions, I told her I was done. A different doctor opened with "tell me about your estrangement from your sister" referencing my medical record, to which I said 'i saw her last week and will see her next week.'

    thankfully, I could rate her online.

  • Reply atomicpuffin December 20, 2019 at 10:10 pm

    I feel like parents that avoid therapy for reasons like "what will ppl say/you just need jesus in your heart" its more of a pride thing on their part and thats fkd n sad

  • Reply FYRFOX198 December 21, 2019 at 1:21 am

    …everybody in the ghetto knows, you Limey bastard. DRUGS and ALCOHOL induced.

  • Reply Joshua Jeremiah December 21, 2019 at 1:29 am

    Why don't we try to fix our depression with delusions… that's SURE to help. ??

  • Reply Lynn Harr December 21, 2019 at 2:36 am

    Church is my therapy. Say Yeah! Yeah! Uh huh! Trevor Noah is the only person who can speak about these sensitive issues without everyone getting defensive about it.

  • Reply Oni Tobey 1999 December 21, 2019 at 3:30 am

    Right so let’s keep dividing the nation to where black People can only get black therapist and whites, Hispanics ,and Asians get there skin color oriented Therapist. Perfect we should also get black only bathrooms cause a white bathroom isn’t good enough for black People. Or better yet black People should get there own water fountains cause white fountains taste funny. I guess the I had a dream speech is gonna be for nothing after all then.

  • Reply Diamond Cascade Black Spring December 21, 2019 at 4:48 am

    Now that's what I call therapy!!!

  • Reply justicefosho December 21, 2019 at 5:58 am

    His blue cross covers that? Mine don't… awww

  • Reply justicefosho December 21, 2019 at 6:05 am

    … or they say I don't want to hear all that crying.
    … get over it.
    … my sister once told me to play happy by pharrell, SMH (BUT she's military, so she gets a pass, right?)
    … or they use what you've told them as slugs, like, that's why you x y z…
    … or they act like they listening but are not

  • Reply nikiichan December 21, 2019 at 6:14 am

    umm i would totally do that therapy too. Generation to generation passed stuff that hasnt been dealt with (check) need to deal with forgotten memories and empower self?(check) didn't go to prom? (now you getting to personal -_-)

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