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I Got The Flu Mad Early | VEDA Day 16 of 30

October 7, 2019


MY THROAT IS ON FIRE! hey yeah, hey yeah. MY THROAT IS ON FIRE! Interestingly enough I sound exactly like Alicia Keys. [laughing] Boop. Hey YouTube world, it’s me, Evelyn. So, little factoid about me and my childhood, I was…I got sick a lot. There are photos of me just tryna partake in regular human activities, like I can barely stand but I’m holding the glass of sparkling cider up, just tryna ring in the new year, nawwmsayin’? Like I’m just trying to hold on. Whether it was allergies, with my eyes swole shut or actual viruses, like I was just sick. [coughing] Mm. So in the spirit of sicknesses, past and present, I’m gonna tell y’all the story of how I was one of the first people in the city of Austin, to get the flu. This was a couple years ago, I had just got back to the States, because I was visiting Doyin in South Korea. Watch the vlogs, girl, yes I went to South Korea. I was there for 2 weeks, I come back, BOOM, I get sick. Ugh. But this was different. Instead of getting better over time, I was getting decidedly worse. I can’t sleep, I have to sleep sitting straight up, or else I’ll die. When I wake up in the morning I’m on fire. I’m so hot, even my skin is too much. My pillow is wet. A normal person would call on a friend, a loved one, ya know what I mean? A coworker, even. But not me! I’m driving so recklessly, I didn’t realize how delirious I was. And it was nothing [nigerian accent] but the grace of God, that I made it to that hospital in one piece. I swing to the left, thank God I didn’t hit the guardrail because that’s how reckless my left turn was. I was so loosey-goosey, I was not even in control of my motor skills, yet I’m driving a motor vehicle. So I’m on this grimy, can I say grimy clinic floor, laying down, because what is…what is an upright stance? She takes my temperature and gives me that look. You know if you’ve ever been just reckless with your health, the nurse or the doctor gives that look like, “Now why did you…what are…” I have a 103.5 fever. I’m sitting there on that lil’ table with a grey t-shirt, and there’s sweat. Like I’ve sweat through my clothes. The doctor says, “Oh my goodness, you have the flu, about 3 months early.” She said, “I don’t know if I have the proper flu test for you, I’m gonna give you last years flu test.” I was like, whatever. She swabs like the inner workings of my sinuses, “You’re the first case of the flu that me or my colleagues have seen.” I [skrrrt] drive to the Walgreens, the CVS, or wherever. This pharmacist reads the prescription and looks at me. “Tamiflu?” Looking at their calendar like, “It’s not flu season” I KNOW IT’S NOT FLU SEASON. “Ma’am, I don’t know if I have this medication yet.” They go in the back, they actually have the medicine, nawwmsayin’? It might be from last year, I don’t know the expiration date. I go home. [skrrrt] Hop in my bed, take the Tamiflu, and within a couple days I’m fine. I’m peachy. I tell my parents, they’re a little angry, ya know? Uhm, tell my coworkers, my boss is like “Girl, you coulda…you coulda just… one of us would’ve taken you to the hospital!” Listen. I’m a independent woman okay? In the comments below, I don’t care. Uhhhh. See you on the Internet somewhere, BYE!

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