How to Survive Divorce While Dealing with Chronic Illness

March 4, 2020

Early in my marriage I started to realize
that I was sick more than I was well. I had migraines, slow-recovery other other
illnesses after surgery and giving birth, and just feeling like things weren’t well,
I had trouble staying well. Before marriage I was very healthy person,
hardly needing medical attention or medications. I was athletic and worked out and was on sports
teams, adult recreation teams and kept busy as a person, as a human being, and didn’t
have any trouble doing that. But, my stressful dysfunctional marriage took
a toll on my body. How to survive divorce when dealing with chronic
illness is what we’re talking about today. Hi, I’m Jen Grice, author of the book, You
Can Survive Divorce. I’m a divorce mentor and empowerment coach,
guiding women to surviving and thriving after divorce. You can find out more about my ministry, coaching
and my book at While married I had a homeschool blog. I stayed home worked from home, and homeschooled
my children. After hearing from many mothers also dealing
with a chronic condition, while married and homeschooling, I decided to share my experience
and blog about it. Then in 2014, I shared after my divorce and
after some time of healing, I shared my divorce with my readers on this homeschool blog. And I heard again from tons of stay-a-home
and/or homeschooling moms were going through or had recently went through a divorce. And mainly from a toxic marriage that caused
them to be sick. A lot of women experiencing exactly what I
was experiencing. That’s when I knew this ministry for Christian
women facing divorce, usually unwanted, needed to be started. I no longer felt alone and I wanted all these
ladies to know they weren’t alone either. About a year or do ago I wrote an article
on my blog which I’ll link in the description below about the connection between abuse even
just emotional or psychological abuse and chronic illness during marriage or after. Many women face cancer, migraines, and auto-immune
disorders because of the stressful home life they’ve lived in. Be sure to read that article if you’re wondering
how you developed medial issues after being healthy most of your life. And especially if you’re now divorced. So back to surviving my medical issues during
and after divorce. I have a brain herniation, which causes migraines
and I have Systemic lupus erythematosus or Lupus for short. I’ve had to learn to deal with this while
receiving no empathy while married, and single parenting after divorce. So how am I surviving and most of the time
even thrived after divorce? Here are my tips the things I do to keep myself
as healthy as possible while still raising children after divorce. Number one I take care of myself both physically
and emotionally. And this is important. Stress is one of the biggest triggers for
migraines and chronic pain flares. When you’re able to keep your home and life
as stress-free as possible, you’ll feel better and be healthier too. Also found yoga and meditation to helpful
to just alleviate stress or at least calm things down. Also I see my doctor regularly especially
my Rheumatologist for my lupus and I take my medications as prescribed. I try to do my best to alleviate any problems
caused by my lupus or the brain herniation and I obviously don’t want to have migraines
so I do what I can to eat healthy and exercise or do whatever it takes to keep from continuing
to be unhealthy, unwell and have chronic pain. Another important thing and this is I know
obvious but frequent hand-washing or disinfecting the home to keep away germs. For me it’s a low immune system so anytime
that I can just wash my hands and keep germs away it helps to stay healthy. And lastly, seek medical attention as soon
as a problem seems to come up. Just recently I took myself to the emergency
room after being physically sick from some stomach bug for over 48 hours. I probably could have waited longer, and suffered,
but I didn’t want to take a chance on my own healthy, having to take an ambulance to
get there when things got out of hand. So the emergency room hooked me up to an IV
gave me some anti-nausea medications and some other things to help me feel better and to
get better and help me fight this stomach bug without having to worry too much about
how much I was keeping down. They let me go after uhm the IV and I was
actually feeling a little better not healed but at least well enough to continue to be
sick and get well and fight it on my own. At first I felt bad for going to the emergency
room but I’m so glad that I did. I was able to stay physically well and no
one has to take care of me. I did have some help from my teenager but
at least I wasn’t to the point where I needed serious help. And there as not an emergency in the situation
it was just taken care of appropriately. So next number two is learn everything you
can about your illness or whatever it is you’re dealing with whether it’s just migraines or
worse cancer and how you can live the best life and get healthy from this condition. For me learning that taking magnesium every
single day helps to keep my migraines at bay because magnesium helps to keep swelling down
and because I have swelling in my brain because the herniation I actually have less migraines. So learn all the things whether it’s medications
or over the counter or diet or whatever it is that will help you stay healthy so that
you’re not more sick than you need to be. You can also find a support group to connect
with others or seek their help with how to make it through the difficult times. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! So number three is share with family and friends
how they can help you and how they can serve you. If they really care and have empathy for you
they will provide these things for you. Another thing this teaches your children to
have compassion through helping you with your illness. I can imagine you know my youngest child if
he didn’t experience some of my illness he may grow up to not know what it’s like to
help take care of somebody who’s sick or to be empathetic at all to somebody else’s illness
and that’s something he’s learning by even this last experience when I was very sick
and you know in a bucket for 48 hours and he had to learn that you know you have to
help your mom you have to check on your mom you have to make sure people are okay and
ask them what they need and get those things for them so that can’t get them for themselves. Obviously, it wasn’t to the extreme that he
had to totally take care of me but he still learned something from the experience. And I think it’s good to teach children that
because you know a lot of people are growing up without that experience of caring really
caring for others and caring for people who need help and that’s an important quality
to learn. Cause this is something I wish I would have
done more with my children, my older children when they were younger, my son when he was
younger because while married my children were told that I was mental because I had
a physical condition or migraines, they were told to leave me alone and just kind of ignore
me that was kind of the mindset that it was just leave her alone she’ll get better on
her own. They didn’t see empathy exhibited in our home
unless it was me taking care of everybody else and then it was kind of expected well
that’s mom job that’s not everybody else’s job to show empathy and concern for somebody
when they’re sick. And even after my divorce, I tried to shield
my physical limitations at first from my children feeling that I was a burden and I was going
to be a burden to them. Now, I see the importance of teaching children
how to care for others especially their own family members like I talked about. So how are you surviving with a chronic illness
after divorce. Are you getting all the care that you need? So I hope I empowered you in some way today. Reminded you of something that you should
be doing or could be doing and hopefully I’ve given the knowledge that you can survive this
as well. I’m doing it and so many others are. If you have any questions or would like to
share your story, please do so in the comments below. Please check out my other videos about surviving
divorce and I hope to see you in the next video. God bless.

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