Ugh school’s coming back. If only there was
some way to get out of it. I mean it’s not like you can just drop out, right?
Wait- can I do that? DAD? So I just found out, it’s probably not the best idea. Something
about being a failure, already being enough of a disappointment as
it- you know what, honestly I wasn’t really listening that much,
uh so whatever, but the good news is, there’s another way. One that doesn’t involve minimum
wage jobs for the rest of my life. Alright hear me out for a second. Faking sick.
What? Who is this guy? Yeah. I’m a genius. Faking sick to me is an art,
and I’ve put in so much time and effort that it’s an art that I’ve mastered. And today,
I’m passing on all of my wisdom to you guys. Also my mom’s probably gonna watch this video
and recognize these moves so um… I got you! The goal in faking sick is to trick your parents
into beliving you. If your are vouching for you, even your teacher can’t make you come
in. But parents are smart! I mean, when they were
your age, they were probably doing the exact same thing.
You gotta make your sickness seem legit, and to do so, it’s gonna take some work. The first
thing you wanna do, even before faking sick, is to make school seem like it’s your priority.
“Aw man, we have this super cool assignment tomorrow and I’m so excited to hand it in.”
“Tomorrow’s pizza day, alright? I’m not missing that.” Setting this up is super critical because
when you suddenly get sick, you’re gonna be more disappointed that you
can’t go to school than your parents are, and that makes you being sick, all the more
believable. “Aw man I really want to hand this 10-page
essay that’s- it’s so finished, but I *coughs* I can’t, so.. I’m sorry.” Next thing you’re gonna wanna do is to pick
a sickness and to stick to it. If you’re trying to convince your parents that you’re sick,
you’re gonna need some proof and that involves research. What temperature do you need to
be to have a fever? What are all the symptoms of having a cold?
What does puking sound like? It’s the homework that you wished you’d been assigned. No?
Just me? Oh. Puking is definitely the easiest to fake cause it just involves going to the
washroom and doing this sound for a while. *puking sounds* *coughing sounds*
The cough’s I’m just throwing in for good measure. Because I’m an actor, dammit. But
hey, you can’t puke everytime so try giving yourself a fever.
All you gotta do is soak a towel in some hot water and leave it on your forehead so when
your parents feel your forehead they’ll be like,
“aw, you’re burning up, you can’t go to school!” What’s risky here is you only have so much
time between drying your forehead and getting your parents to feel your forehead,
so you gotta act fast. Okay so I got my towel here, and I’m just
gonna apply it. Let it sit there for a while, so you get all warmed up.
*coughs* Hey Juan can you *coughs* can you come take my temperature I think I’m *cough*
sick. Okay Andrew?
Yeah. I’m not your father. You’re an adult.
Yeah. And you don’t even have anything
to be sick for because you’re a sad, pathetic, unemployed, loser.
Oh yeah. And that’s how you fake sick! Remember to
not overuse this. If you do it too much it’s gonna become way too obvious that you’re faking,
and then it’ll just never work again. So don’t be sick every other day. Wait until there’s
an assignment due tomorrow that you haven’t even started.
Or until something super embarassing just happened at school and you, you can’t show
your face there. Or you know, Friday. Anyways that’s all for the video, I hope you
enjoyed it. If you did, be sure to give it a thumbs up. On my last video I asked for
1,500 likes, and it got over 2,000 in 3 days, which is
just crazy. Thank you for that. So I’m just gonna shoot for the stars today and say,
let’s get 2,500 thumbs up on today’s video. Make sure you subscribe to me, I make new
videos every Friday, and like today, I’m gonna try to throw in an extra one every
here and there, and with all that being said, I’ll see you guys next week?!