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How to Fake a Stomach Ache to Get out of School

November 5, 2019


How to Fake a Stomach Ache to Get out of School
It’s hard being a student. Every week, Monday through Friday, you have
to be in school– whether you like it or not. Some days you just need to stay home, whether
you’re trying to avoid running the mile in gym class, you’re in a fight with a friend,
or you simply want a break from the monotony. However before you cuddle up in bed and sleep
through your school day, you’ve got to convince mom and dad. If they aren’t the type to empathize with
your personal motivations for staying home, faking a sickness will give them a reason
they can’t debate. Part 1 Foreshadowing Your Illness 1
Complain of a slight stomachache the night before. You need to begin laying the groundwork the
evening prior to your sick day so that your parents aren’t caught completely off-guard
the next morning. The illness illusion will be more convincing
if you start discussing it at night, when there isn’t anything you’re trying to
get out of or avoid. Don’t overdo it. If you’re dramatically wailing the night
before, they’ll probably suspect something. Just make a couple of remarks about nausea
or cramping, and clutch your stomach for good measure. 2
Refuse dinner. When your stomach is truly upset or unsettled,
you probably don’t have much of an appetite. Make your impending sickness convincing by
pretending you aren’t hungry. Of course, you will be spending the night
hungry and uncomfortable if you don’t plan ahead. Sneak some food into your bedroom so you can
eat it later, without your parents knowing. If your family sits down for dinner together
every night, act like you are attempting to eat. Push your food around your plate, and then
announce that you’re too nauseous to eat much. 3
Go to bed early. Tell your parents that you don’t feel well
and you want to get into bed as soon as you can. Not only is this a convincing way to show
your parents you feel sick, but they also won’t be able to attribute any of your symptoms
the next day to a lack of sleep. If you aren’t tired, go to bed anyway. You can grab a book, text your friends, or
play on your cell phone secretly. 4
Avoid mentioning the event you’re dreading. For example, don’t complain to your parents
about the huge exam or the physical fitness test in gym the next day. If they know that you’re not looking forward
to school the next day, they’ll obviously guess your motive for being “sick.” Instead, act as if everything is normal. 5
Act as though you’re not worried about the event, if your parents know about it. If they know you have a big test the next
day, say things like, “I was pretty nervous for it, but I think I’m going to do well.” If it’s something other than a test, just
tell them that you feel prepared, or at least no longer worried about it. If your parents don’t think you’re dreading
it, they are less likely to suspect that you’re trying to get out of it. If you’re planning on faking sick to get out
of an exam or a big homework assignment, be careful. If you blow off studying or homework because
you assume you’ll get to stay home, you will be in big trouble if you wake up and aren’t
able to convince your parents you’re sick. Study or complete the assignment just in case. If you end up faking sick effectively and
getting the extra day to avoid the test or assignment, that’s just a bonus! Part 2 Looking the Part 1
Use baby powder to whiten your face. When you’re suffering from a stomach sickness,
your face often drains of color. A light dusting of baby powder will make you
look pale and ill. A little goes a long way! Lightly pat some of the powder onto your skin,
just enough so that you look washed out. If you have access to large makeup brushes,
tap a bit of power onto one and use that to apply it evenly to your entire face. If you don’t have a brush, you can use a
tissue to rub it over your skin. If you can avoid it, try not to get too close
to your mom or dad once you’ve brushed baby powder on your face. There is an unmistakable scent to it, and
you don’t want them to notice. 2
Tousle your hair. Embrace your bedhead, and even exaggerate
the tangles and frizz. When you’re sick, you often toss and turn
throughout the night. Messy, frazzled hair will make your parents
think you had a restless night of sleep, and help convince them that you’re sick. The rougher you look, the sicker you look. Although ugly hair isn’t a direct effect
of being ill, it’ll help create the overall image of sickness. 3
Rub some lotion on your face, and then cover it with a damp towel. The combination of the lotion plus the moisture
from the towel will make your skin appear clammy. Clamminess is a symptom of a stomach bug,
but take care not to overdo it. You don’t want to look slimy! You simply want to give your skin that unpleasant
moisture that comes with many sicknesses. 4
Keep your face somber. When you’re truly sick, you probably don’t
crack a smile at much. Make sure you keep your facial expression
stoic, even if your sibling says something humorous or something funny happens on the
television. Remember that you’re supposed to feel queasy
and miserable, and you can’t let a smile or laugh give you away! 5
Make sure your body language conveys discomfort. Hold your stomach and hunch your back, as
if you’re in pain. When you lay down, curl up into a ball. When you have to walk, do it slowly, as if
you’re weak. It’s easy to tell someone you’re sick,
but you need to make sure your body language tells them you’re sick too. When you’re truly sick, you probably find
yourself nodding off to sleep whenever you’ve been sitting or laying down for very long. To really convince your parents how exhausted
and ill you are, pretend to be asleep every time they pop their heads in to check on you. Part 3 Acting Sick Convincingly 1
Describe your “symptoms” specifically. Instead of just saying you have a stomachache,
elaborate about what specifically is wrong. Tell your parents if you feel nauseous or
if it’s more like a cramp. Decide if your fake illness consists of a
persistent dull pain, or if it comes and goes in fleeting spells. The more specific you get, the more realistic
your illness will seem. Once you tell your parents what hurts, don’t
change it! Be consistent whenever they ask what’s wrong. 2
Show interest in going to school. Say things like “I know I should stay home,
but I really want to be at school because…” and give a specific reason. If your parents think you don’t ‘’want’’
to stay home, they’ll be less inclined to suspect you’re faking it. You can even go the extra mile and start getting
dressed for school, messy-haired and pale-faced. 3
Stay calm if your parents don’t believe you. If you start getting worked up, your parents
will probably suspect that you’re desperate to stay home. Don’t start yelling or throwing a temper tantrum. Instead, start slowly going through the motions
of getting ready for school. The more pathetic and sickly you act as you
do this, the better! Hopefully they will see you “struggling” and
take pity on you. If they don’t offer to let you stay home,
simply ask them if you can. Look them in the eye and tell them you really
don’t feel well, and you don’t think you can make it through the school day. Pull on their heartstrings. 4
Head to the school nurse if your parents send you to school. Once you arrive at school, wait at least thirty
minutes before heading to the nurse’s office. By waiting a bit, your parents will know that
you tried to go to school but you just couldn’t make it. Make sure that you use the same techniques
on your teacher and the nurse that you tried on your parents, like keeping your face sad
while hunching over in discomfort. As you speak to both your teacher and the
nurse, hold your hand to your mouth as if you’re afraid you’re going to puke at any
moment. No one wants to deal with a vomiting student,
so they’ll most likely send you home. Better safe than sorry! Go to the bathroom repeatedly to imply that
you’re having diarrhea. 5
Sneak your food. No one wants to eat when they have a stomach
bug, so don’t eat a big bowl of cereal or a bag of chips in front of your parents. If they encourage you to try eating, take
a few bites and then refuse the rest. Tell them that you’re simply too nauseated
and you have no appetite. If your parents go to work and leave you alone
for the day, make sure to discard any wrappers, dishes, or other evidence of eating. If your parents stay home with you, smuggle
some snacks into your bedroom beforehand. You can munch on them sneakily throughout
the day. 6
Pretend to vomit in the bathroom. If you’re confident in your acting skills,
you can make vomiting noises in the bathroom while pouring a glass of water into the toilet. However, if you aren’t sure you can pull
it off realistically, don’t risk it. Instead, spend an unusually long time in the
bathroom, and complain of other gastrointestinal issues like diarrhea. If you’re faking diarrhea, spraying some air
freshener around the bathroom before you walk out will make your act more believable, as
your parents will think you’re trying to cover up the smell from the diarrhea even though
it isn’t really there. 7
Allow your parents to take you to the doctor. Only do this if they suggest it, of course. If you insist that you don’t need to see a
doctor, your parents will suspect that your illness is fake. Instead, go to the doctor willingly and tell
your doctor the exact same symptoms you told your parents. Don’t say anything too severe that could alarm
the doctor. Tell them general things like you feel nauseous
when you sit up or walk around, that you have cramping, or that you’re exhausted and have
body aches. Everyone gets stomach bugs, and the doctor
will most likely send you home with an order to rest. Your doctor may have a hunch that you’re faking
it, but no one can prove that you don’t feel sick. There is no test to determine if someone’s
stomach is upset or not! 8
Stay in bed. This step is only crucial if one of your parents
is staying home with you. Just because they’ve allowed you to stay
home, remember that you need to continue acting sick all day. Don’t head out to the driveway to shoot
some hoops, or start animatedly playing a video game. Read a book, play on a laptop, watch television,
or nap. Just stick to low-energy “sick day” activities! Even if it’s past school hours and you’re
officially missed the whole day, don’t magically start acting healthy. If your parents know you faked your illness,
they won’t trust you in the future when you’re sick, whether it’s genuine or not.

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