(muffled rock music) – You know, I almost had HPV once. – You almost had HPV?
– Yeah, I thought I had it for like two days, oh, it was terrible. But it turns out it was just a UTI. So, maybe this is just a UTI. Or a yeast infection or
a third weird infection vaginas get. (sighing) – I don’t know why I always
assumed you would be the one with an STD.
– STI. – Hmm?
– They’re infections, not diseases. Shout out to my very hot
seventh grade health teacher, Mr. McGrath. But yeah, me too. (melancholy music) – This is really not like me.
– Have you been having any– – I’ve only had sex with
like five people, maybe six. – It’s OK, just relax. The sores are symptomatically consistent with genital herpes, but
I’m gonna have one of the nurses do a culture swab
to confirm before we put you on any medication.
– Herpes? – It’s actually much more
common than you think. About one in six people have it. – I haven’t had sex with
anyone that had any sores or anything.
– Well, it’s possible that you’ve had it for
quite some time and you’re just presenting symptoms now. (muffled speech, oscillating music) – I mean, I think herpes
is pretty bad ass. It’s like a literal sex wound. OK, sorry, I’m just trying
to make you feel better. – I don’t get it. Me and Lucas were so safe. Except for maybe like
once, and before then, I hadn’t even had sex for two months. – That sucks. But I mean, it’s normal. It happens all the time. – Not to you. You’ve had sex with like
five times as many people I have.
– Oh my God, please. Five times? Three times at most. You gonna tell Lucas?
– I mean, I don’t want to. Yes. I know. (chattering) – Fucking herpes. – I know, but I might not even have it. It’s not certain. – Well, I didn’t give it to you. – I’m not saying you did. I just think you should
probably get tested. – I’ve been tested. But it’s been a while I guess. – And you should probably tell anyone else you might be seeing.
– I will. – The doctors say a lot of people have it. Like one in six people. And some people never even show symptoms. Sorry. (crying) (melancholy music) – Hey. How’s your night? That bad? Then Lucas is a dick and
he doesn’t deserve you. – Is he a dick, or is he
just having a normal human response to being told he
might have an irreversible disease on his penis? – Sup James?
– Hey. You guys like coffee? (melancholy music) – OK, please just one drink. – I should probably just go
home and like soak my vagina or something.
– Come on. You should have fun. And I don’t really want to
go to a work party alone. – I don’t even like Evan. – Isn’t Evan the best?
– I seriously love him. – I never get to see you
anymore since you switched apartments.
– Yeah. – You should come and visit us sometime. – Yeah, yeah I should. – Yeah, then we could
all go and get drinks. – Like we’re doing right now. – True, right, yeah. – Yes. (laughing) – Yeah. Or, here’s a pitch. We could go together, just the two of us, no coworkers, at a different bar. – Mm, I like where your head’s at. Except you probably don’t want to do that because according to WebMD
there is a 77% chance that I might have herpes. – Yeah. – Yeah. – Oh, shit, really? – Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I just never have sex
again and die alone, so. I’m good, I’m fine, I’m good. – Cool. Technically, we all die alone. So. Do you like tacos or do you want to, where do you want to go? – Yeah. Yeah I like tacos. – Here. Sustenance. I saw you talking to James
last night, he’s cute. Signs too many e-mails
with exclamation points, but cute. – Yeah, he’s cute. Probably won’t work out
because of all that, but that’s OK. – Yeah, I mean, Amy. You don’t have to date
shitty people because a shitty thing might have happened to you. You deserve to be happy. – Thank you. I hear you, I do. Thank you. – Now, eat this, you look
like a Tim Burton character. I opened it in the car,
they are still good. (dinging) – You’re right, too many
exclamation points, but he’s cute.
– Wow, I can’t believe you’re in love with James. (phone ringing) – Hello? (oscillating music) (creaking)