Articles, Blog

Dr. Doe’s Guide to Great Sex

August 26, 2019


Hi I’m Dr. Lindsey Doe. Welcome to Sexplanations. In a past episode of this show, I talked about
what the research has to say about great sex. Today we’re going to talk about my version
of great sex — what makes sex great for me!!! This episode is sponsored by adamandeve.com, an online sex toy store where you can all sorts of things for great sex. Stick around until the end of the video for a special discount. Onto the great sex! [WHIP CRACKING, COUGH] The research by Kleinplatz and colleagues
identified these eight major components to “great sex” : being present, connection,
intimacy, communication, authenticity, transcendence, exploration, and vulnerability. I like these but I want to share my own checklist
for great sex: 1. Give it six tries. Unless the sex is no good very bad, must stop
and never ever do that again, I recommend having sex six times with a person before
concluding that it won’t be great. This takes the pressure off the first try
and reminds everyone playing that it’s a new behavior — of course it’s going to
have some kinks to work out (or work in). When my partner and I were first talking about
sleeping together, he asked that I give him more than one shot at sex so he could learn
my body more and how to please me. I offered six tries. Sex was great on the first, but my guess is
that this is because we were in the mindset of learning and playing, not one and done,
succeed or fail. Having flexibility to decide if we liked it
and how to improve made the sex better. 2. Phone sex first. Before taking off your pants or lifting up
your skirt, try flirting on the phone. I know this is a big ask, especially for people
who aren’t comfortable talking about sex, but you’re going for great sex here! If you really want it you’ll have to be
willing to say what you like and hear from others what they are or aren’t into. Doing this on the phone does two things: one
it builds sexual tension because you’re not right there cutting to the chase, and
two, it cushions the vulnerability. You can talk candidly about what you want
without anyone feeling judged or rejected by uncontrollable facial expressions. The last time I started a relationship this
way, I masturbated on the phone and described what I was doing to myself and how my body
was changing. It gave the other person a sense that I know
my body and I like pleasure. Two very good ways to get great sex. 3. Play with yourself. I can’t stress enough how valuable it is
to have intimate knowledge of your body, your unique arousal cycle, and what does and doesn’t
turn you on. Partner play can be amazing but it will be
more frequently and more consistently great if you figure out YOU and maintain connection
with yourself. Masturbating is also an excellent way to pre-game. Rubbing one out before hanging out with your
partner(s) can often mean that when you do have sex, you’ll be able to go longer, giving
more time to explore each other’s bodies, and play around with different levels of arousal. 4. Have at least four options. Great sex like great anything includes the
ability to improvise when things don’t go the way you’d hoped. For example, if a guest doesn’t show up
on a late night show, the great host knows how to compensate. If strawberries aren’t in season, a great
chef still knows how to garnish a cheesecake. For me it’s usually my hips that get tired,
or my wrists, so back-up options might be use a vibrator, positions on my side, take
a break to read erotica or receive a massage. 5. Schedule sex. Before sex education became popular and people
learned to plan it like other aspects of their lives, the best sex was thought to be spontaneous. You’re hiking in the woods and bam, you decide
to give a blowjob behind a tree. Great! Spontaneous sex can be great but it’s much
more likely to have great sex when it’s on the schedule. It becomes something to look forward to, the
vulva becomes wet closer to the time set aside for sex. And because you’ve thought it out, there’s
less likely to be disruptions, conflicts, or false starts. For example, you could decide on Tuesday at
7:30 and have a much higher chance at sex, let alone great sex than “some time next
week if it spontaneously happens.” Write it down, set an alarm on your phone,
great sex. 6. Have sex more often. Like most physical exercise, the more you
do it, the more you improve, with some limits. Yoga. Skiing. Swimming. Pingpong… Your body becomes more familiar
with what to expect — so it’s actually ready to go the next time around. I try to do dance fitness regularly. When I miss a few weeks, I can still come
back and get into it, but it’s SO much more fun and easy when I’ve been doing it consistently
and I have control over my muscles and alignment. Sex is the same, more often, more fun. 7. Aftercare. I speak at universities and conferences. It’s really exhilarating to be on stage
in front of hundreds of curious people and I get a lot of energy from it, like sex. When it’s done though everyone goes home. I come down off the high of speaking and get
really lonely. So just like with sex, the experience is greater
for me when I have aftercare. At speaking engagements this is people who
want to go out for food afterward or friends who can talk on the phone. For sex this is holding my partner for a short
bit, getting up to pee, then holding them again as my body goes back to homeostasis. Again, for me, great sex is not party party
party, come, off to work. It’s party, party, party, come, cuddle,
cuddle, cuddle. 8. Compliment. Before, during, and after sex, give compliments. Say what you honestly like, increasing the
likelihood that you’ll get it again. Avoid making comparisons, like “the way
you touch my nipples is better than anyone I’ve ever been with” because it puts someone
else down to put your partner up. And avoid attaching too much criticism onto
compliments like “the up down strokes with your tongue were divine but gah, it hurt when
you bit me. It hurt so much.” This is a time to praise what you like and
build self-esteem, offer performance reviews but gently. Like, “I love how you hold my arms down
above my head because I feel dominated. Maybe next time you can go a little lighter
on the grip.” 9. Be honest. Not just in giving compliments, but in the relationship, in how you live. When people aren’t honest with me, my body
does things to armor itself and protect me. This isn’t the case for everyone but it’s
also not uncommon. You might not be able to get an erection,
or get wet, or relax enough for penetration. You might break out in a yeast infection or
skin rash and wonder why? Body and or genital armoring is one explanation. And certainly when my body is trying to guard
me from another person great sex is nearly impossible. The greater the honesty, the greater the sex. At least for me. Lastly, number 10, stay curious. Part of what I enjoy most about great sexual
experiences is not knowing what’s going to happen next or what we might try to keep
things playful and interesting in the future. It helps to ask myself, “What can make great
sex even better? What needs improvement? What could I try next? What’s already worked well that I can include
again? How might my partner feel about this?” I love staying curious! Adamandeve.com has so many playthings or your
sexual adventures. These are all awesome tools for starting conversations,
exploring your own pleasure, mixing it up… You can get an eligible item for 50% off at checkout
with the promo code DOE, so that’s great! And adamandeve.com includes free shipping
to the US and Canada, also great!

100 Comments

  • Reply DexPex November 6, 2018 at 6:35 am

    Thanks, now I can enjoy reproduction!

  • Reply Tom Weidler November 7, 2018 at 12:03 am

    Um, fücking is great no matter what! Beats a "selfie" in front of a bathroom sink any day…. I just let her lay there and let me do EVERYTHING!!! …Aye Fellas, Always Make Her Feel APPRECIATED!! … Smell her feet and suck on her toes too. 🖖😎👍

  • Reply Atomic Nickole November 7, 2018 at 12:34 am

    Idk if you did a video on this or not (if so please give me the name of the video so I can look it up) but how can you lead up to sex with out it being awkward? Like a new relationship (or for the first time) and you tow talked about it before but when the time comes and you tow are in a room alone but you don’t know how to start the mood and get into it? That would be a vary educational video for people who need help getting them selfs and there partner in the mood. Maybe for those people who are afraid to just be like “hey want to have sex?” And instead show it threw body language (obviously consent applies to this.)

  • Reply GizzymoNCP November 7, 2018 at 9:19 pm

    I has same shirt

  • Reply CompanionCube1000 November 8, 2018 at 2:29 pm

    Can you talk more about relaxing for penetration? It is very difficult for me to relax enough because I get so self conscious about how I couldn't do it the last time and it's just a vicious cycle that makes me feel broken and inadequate. Are there exercises I can do or toys to use? What helps get rid of the fear?

  • Reply Lisa Carlson November 10, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    What about sex after a full hysterectomy?

  • Reply Larry Bair November 17, 2018 at 5:00 am

    Do you have any personal videos of what you describe on YouTube?

  • Reply Joe G.P. November 20, 2018 at 10:27 pm

    i guess the .cum domain isn't available yet ? cause Adamandeve.cum sounds way better

  • Reply Voice of reason November 21, 2018 at 1:41 pm

    You’re the best.

  • Reply computerssuck93 November 22, 2018 at 12:39 am

    Great sex for me is lack of consent

  • Reply manic maundae November 25, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    Something to add, Exclusivity https://youtu.be/Hl257AMe9Ng

  • Reply JazzyJake December 2, 2018 at 10:11 am

    Yo this is the funniest video of all time

  • Reply Bobby Knight December 12, 2018 at 10:45 am

    Having sex with her would be great.

  • Reply enyskept December 12, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    Can you please make a video about Foot Fetish? Footjobs?

  • Reply jim Nicosia December 24, 2018 at 1:38 pm

    in Canada. Today a had bill c-51 rape shield passed and now is the law of the land. There is now no way in Canada for a man to prove consent. Video evidence doesn’t count, written evidence doesn’t count. Nothing counts anymore, and sexual crime is the only crime in Canada where the defense has to show the defense to the prosecution before they have their day in court. It is crazy.
    The best way to have sex with WOMEN is no sex at all.

  • Reply No need To know December 25, 2018 at 1:06 am

    I only ask for 3 tries that seems to be all I need

  • Reply Bryan Keith December 30, 2018 at 7:49 am

    The first time I have sex with a person, my experience, has always been some of the best sex I've had with that person. This has proved consistent with most if not all the women I've been with. Is this not normal ? Does this say something about me ? Or my sexuality

  • Reply smokeystriper December 31, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    This all sounds great. I wish my wife wasn't such a prude.

  • Reply Englishman inFrance December 31, 2018 at 9:49 pm

    No ,no no One of the few of your vids of yours I don't agree with

  • Reply white salt January 3, 2019 at 2:47 am

    What about if you're celibate. I know it's kind of contradictory to your Channel but watching these things in learning will prepare me for a future relationships thanks.

  • Reply THEJONATAN January 4, 2019 at 1:22 am

    Sex sounds like a normal thing now

  • Reply Willing2facethewicked4G Gettingready January 11, 2019 at 7:58 am

    you and ur buddy Jesus Christ are a couple of sick fucks! unbelievable that he has 773 subscribers! i imagine all fucking kids since u feel it necessary to give sex prep talks like a fuckin creep show! get a life! if u dont have talent you dont decide to "be creative" n make this garbage! yall gunna burn w all of ur other peadophile hommies!😙 JS💩💩💩💩🖕🏾 ur not cute so im sure u are a dick sucking, hood rat from way back when u were a todler!

  • Reply Andrei 895 January 12, 2019 at 9:10 pm

    This shouldn't be age restricted

  • Reply Paul Kinosian January 13, 2019 at 11:21 pm

    She's great. She seems like someone I could hang out with and would make a great babysitter. I love her down-to-earth, common-sense, friendly, affable manner.

  • Reply SFXforyou January 24, 2019 at 12:04 am

    I'm disturbed by how your eyes are very wide the whole video

  • Reply Garrett Cloud January 24, 2019 at 8:27 pm

    Dr. Doe,
    My wife and I are in an odd uncommon situation (as far as we know)
    My wife at the age of 24 had an emergency full hysterectomy.
    We met shortly after she turned 25.
    What the side effects of her hysterectomy no hormones and weight gain.
    I am no longer sexually attracted to my wife our sex life has become non-existent and we are in a open marriage just so I can get some. In all honesty i hate it.
    I was hoping you could do a video about women with hysterectomies and how to remedy the side effects

  • Reply Jack Smith February 11, 2019 at 5:50 am

    From my “meager” experience, I’ve found there is a direct correlation between intelligence and sexuality

    Intelligent women are more open and are aware of the many sexual possibilities

    My opinion only

  • Reply James Butler Jr. February 16, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    🤔😲………. THE MAGIC WAND!😲🤓….. I,think I see it in🤔….. "Lord of the Rings" Gandolphs 🤓, staff!😲🤠😇??????… 😁

  • Reply James Butler Jr. February 16, 2019 at 7:48 pm

    🤔😐😑… Great, vid!🤔🤗😘😍😎!

  • Reply Kyle Johnson February 17, 2019 at 2:36 am

    It's because of scheduled sex I have lost almost all interest in it at all I'd much rather watch an adult movie when inspiration hits then to have to schedual it….

  • Reply Greg Benwell February 18, 2019 at 5:12 pm

    And where do you find willing partners??? There isn't much of a line between willing partner, rape or abducting somebody as a sex slave!! In fact there are pretty straight forward laws against it!!! And even finding a "willing" partner in this day and age when every women is a "false accuser" makes things even more difficult!! It is easy to be a "great lover" to yourself!! More so when your expectations of the opposite sex is so low that masturbating to porn is a "normal part of your life"!!! But anymore you can't even trust women at all and most certainly ARE NOT "willing" even when they say they are!!!

  • Reply Michael O February 19, 2019 at 11:24 am

    You are spot on with this list!
    Know you're appreciated.

  • Reply james bishop February 19, 2019 at 11:31 am

    Planning sex out and getting so technical does not work for everyone.

  • Reply bikebudha01 February 19, 2019 at 10:32 pm

    Your list was incomplete, I wasn't on your list….

  • Reply bikebudha01 February 19, 2019 at 10:36 pm

    "Dance Fitness"…  Really?   Isn't Dr. Doe based in Montana?  Should be mountain biking…

  • Reply kkkittyland Cat February 23, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    I love this channel cause it helps me not be as embarrassed when it comes to these things thank you! ♥️

  • Reply Patrick Campbell February 23, 2019 at 9:52 pm

    Being married, scheduled sex was the worst.

  • Reply al February 24, 2019 at 1:02 am

    i dont have sex because its not long enuff to hit the cervix

  • Reply Micheal Faulkner February 27, 2019 at 10:07 pm

    Thanks for the great information. Just started watching your channel and we have found great tips and tricks. Also, I have to say your eyes are awesome! You can really tell you are very passionate about you work and it comes through very genuine. Keep up the great work!

  • Reply Cosmic Background Radiation February 28, 2019 at 1:08 am

    Whores always give the best sex advice. And yes, women can be whores too. Also: never fuck/trust a person with crazy eyes (like this lady). Also: she's making this shit up. What if you've got a little dick? I bet you a million dollars none of her tips will work for you. Its all about big dicks and wet vaginas. I'm sure I get more pussy than this chick anyway. Who tf does she think she is?

  • Reply Matt Pomeroy February 28, 2019 at 3:08 am

    Have a Girlfriend!!!!

  • Reply sycocereal February 28, 2019 at 3:45 am

    You lost me at being present. I have to imagine Jennifer Aniston.

  • Reply Daniel Potts February 28, 2019 at 3:12 pm

    Great sex
    Be present
    Gotta love the sex im not there for😏

  • Reply Perfectjzman February 28, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    Tip: During sex don't plan on a orgasm, if it starts to come slow it down, sometime literately just enjoy the moment. If it happens no biggy, but don't even think about getting there, it shouldn't be the focal point of good sex.

  • Reply ROB ROTHWELL February 28, 2019 at 10:59 pm

    Can't have great sex if the women won't give me the time of day.

  • Reply Anthony Miller March 1, 2019 at 3:00 am

    You're still my heroine, Lindsey Doe!

  • Reply Michael Washington March 2, 2019 at 4:41 am

    How can you be truly sexualy satisfied? Let me know.

  • Reply Chris DiPietro March 2, 2019 at 3:51 pm

    Any Jane Doe’s or John Doe’s in the family?

  • Reply Mark Stacey March 3, 2019 at 3:37 am

    Great vlog. Best advice i've heard about this.

  • Reply mitsuninja March 3, 2019 at 8:04 am

    I think the only issue with the "playing with yourself" before playing with your significant other is that that first nut is soooo good tho! Better to try to teach yourself how to last longer, so you can have your cake and eat it too and your partner wins too cause you can go longer!

  • Reply Jeffrey Thompson II March 3, 2019 at 1:57 pm

    You're awesome

  • Reply Timboslice March 3, 2019 at 2:25 pm

    She got them realtor eyes…..

  • Reply Jimmy JAMES March 4, 2019 at 1:57 am

    How bout not doing this, wonder why we got 16 and pregnant, this

  • Reply Ray Lat March 4, 2019 at 5:01 am

    Great sex ia all about state of mind. If you're both connected and into it it's great. Phoning it in not so much. Boob penis and vagina size does not matter if you're really hot and horny for each other. Be in the correct state of mind.

  • Reply NPC 144530113 March 4, 2019 at 6:19 am

    I need sex at least 7 times a day.

  • Reply Leopard-King March 10, 2019 at 4:52 pm

    Don't you dare give out my home address! I don't need a mob outside my house. I only have one dick!

  • Reply Roguish March 12, 2019 at 4:29 am

    Dr. Doe, my dream partner.

  • Reply Summit X March 12, 2019 at 5:33 am

    My guide to great sex, 100% opposite what I have now. Love the way Lyndsey thinks , such a turn on for a partner.

  • Reply awarlock82 March 12, 2019 at 7:41 am

    I'm in my mid 30s and I still don't truly know what the heck sex is!? True story. Stick to your passions, loneliness and masturbation at times. I remain healthy and clear minded. Have a good day everyone who comments on these videos and pretends to be experts in their romances and/or sexual activity, but are really just lonely souls as well, thinking they have this puzzle solved. Maybe the doctor woman has it figured out, but nobody else does.

    Sincerely.

  • Reply 876 Productions March 13, 2019 at 3:27 am

    Giddy

  • Reply ChristianDruid1313 Clifton March 18, 2019 at 12:08 am

    Sounds like my brain is doing the emotional sex armor. Since mine almost always starts with the brain first.

  • Reply mrdilligaf1968 March 18, 2019 at 2:37 am

    Don't you need a real woman to enable this process though ?

  • Reply Black Ice March 19, 2019 at 6:04 am

    Dated this girl once. I couldn't read the signals. She wanted it, but I had no idea. Got my first kiss from her. I fell in love with her and she left. My one chance squandered by my own stupidity and feelings.

  • Reply Cecilio Colon March 20, 2019 at 12:20 am

    Can you be my partner

  • Reply Matt Rodgers March 20, 2019 at 2:39 pm

    Great advice. I would like to add some of my own. I always ask the she leave any and all insecurities at the bedroom door. Secondly, I appreciate CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. Don’t just tell me what I’m doing wrong, offer some suggestions on what to do instead. I guess that belongs in the communication category.

  • Reply tan sreed March 21, 2019 at 9:38 pm

    Great sales person!

  • Reply Brain Fucker March 22, 2019 at 11:27 am

    Dr. Doe a great Comedian.

  • Reply 3521225255 Reyessolis March 29, 2019 at 6:03 am

    Jerk before work I always sayy…

  • Reply james bishop March 30, 2019 at 10:14 am

    This type of analyzing all this is a woman's thing. Men don't need all this crap.

  • Reply Jimmy Curry March 30, 2019 at 11:49 am

    Hey Dr.Doe you know what great sex for you is?? I'll say without a moment of doubt GREAT SEX FOR YOU IS ME….. thats all I will say so lets make that appointment

  • Reply tony jaime March 31, 2019 at 9:15 pm

    I like your boobs

  • Reply D. cwell April 1, 2019 at 1:15 am

    Your wife has to want sex before you can have any sex! Lol

  • Reply Mattias Jonassen April 1, 2019 at 11:36 am

    All you have to do is pound hard and spank really hard

  • Reply Lawrence Mynn April 1, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    Masturbation is one of the best ways to love yourself regularly about one or twice a week. That is positively related to wellness.

  • Reply james perreault April 2, 2019 at 12:44 pm

    she should play with herself while he watches

  • Reply Korey Ewen April 2, 2019 at 11:31 pm

    Why is this coming up on my feed

  • Reply Stone Fish April 3, 2019 at 4:31 am

    Guide to great sex???? Make sure that you love your partner. That's it! Because once u love your partner both of you will give all your best.

  • Reply punkrock survivlist April 3, 2019 at 10:24 am

    I hadn't got laid in a few yrs.
    While the female friend couldn't believe i was single and not have a at less a fwb..

  • Reply Martin Howser April 3, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    I’m playing with myself now

  • Reply choochoochooseyou April 4, 2019 at 12:30 am

    Adorable

  • Reply Mikhel Brown April 6, 2019 at 7:40 am

    A Women's body is so super complex… Damn.

  • Reply jrg10332 April 6, 2019 at 1:57 pm

    What no words on drugs? I’m not a druggy by any means, but taking a little molly, or ecstasy allows a couple total freedom in expressing their true feelings, and also makes every single touch amazing. We only take it on rare occasions if we come across either. There are a few other choices as well like adderall but these are the best. You will never be as close to your partner then you will on that. I suggest if one were to do this. To make it a special night. Clean the entire house, bed sheets, and what not. Put music on, both dress up in sexy outfits. Here is where porn, and toys can be shared as well. Have a great night exploring each other inside and out. Sometimes we are at it until the next day. Hours and hours of sex. Sometimes I am so damn sore afterwards but yummy is that worth it. Make sure you are aware of all the side affects and risks involved. O and don’t be hesitant in taking a few showers throughout. It feels great, and it keeps the scene fresh and clean.

  • Reply Devonte Green April 7, 2019 at 8:14 am

    This how eve deceived Adam

  • Reply j&k warriors April 7, 2019 at 8:42 am

    Yeahhhh i like it

  • Reply Marc Padilla April 7, 2019 at 9:55 pm

    I'm pretty sure its gonna be good for me. Nut sponge.

  • Reply snuka_ 420 April 8, 2019 at 9:43 am

    Love the way you think. Phone sex first is a good thing.

  • Reply Fast Farmer April 10, 2019 at 8:46 am

    Number 3 is complete rubbish advice, but Number 2 is very good advice. You need to fuck the mind before the body.

  • Reply Phone User April 10, 2019 at 3:12 pm

    The study is complete bullshit. What real Men need is performance not emotional garbage.

  • Reply Richard Lay April 16, 2019 at 3:36 pm

    My girlfriend don't like to be touch down there are,willnot ,give a,bj so what do I do ??

  • Reply Dr. Hugo G. Hackenbush April 17, 2019 at 10:51 pm

    And oral.
    Lots and lots and lots of oral.

  • Reply lkjyuiop April 24, 2019 at 1:39 am

    Smoke weed

  • Reply Aoife O'Sullivan April 28, 2019 at 7:46 am

    I find that scheduling sex just ads a pile of anxiety and then I can't relax and enjoy myself.
    It's interesting to hear that it has an opposite effect for you.

  • Reply Jack Obrein April 29, 2019 at 11:20 am

    Only 6? Wow! Just give me a vibrating cock ring! Done and big "O"!

  • Reply rudeboymon April 30, 2019 at 6:34 pm

    I bet she sucks in bed, and not in the good way

  • Reply Gábor Mészáros May 2, 2019 at 3:46 pm

    DR. ? What kind of Doctor?

  • Reply Alexis Perez May 31, 2019 at 9:52 pm

    I am living for that dinosaur shirt!

  • Reply Sam Rakita July 5, 2019 at 12:31 am

    I'm laughing so hard, Tuesday 7:30 IS MY SCHEDULED TIME

  • Reply Joy Rowan Casey August 1, 2019 at 6:57 am

    Ok but where did you get your shirt it has dinosaurs on it

  • Reply Matthias Bruggeman August 12, 2019 at 3:24 pm

    I honestly wonder, why you didn’t name this channel stay curious. The last tip for, like, literally everything is stay curious.

  • Reply M McBride August 15, 2019 at 10:35 pm

    I followed Dr. Doe's advice about "scheduling sex". I told my wife to pencil me in for 60 seconds of vigorous sex every day starting at 3:14am and I learned something new. A big enough eye roll and scowl actually has an audible sound.

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