Articles, Blog

Brewstew – Health Class

November 15, 2019


Alright, now when
I was a kid in middle school, it was required to take
a semester of health class. And health class
was pretty straightforward. It was mostly just a class to
steer you away from cigarettes and alcohol. “Smoking cigarettes causes cancer!
Do you see this picture right here?” “This is what a cancerous lung
looks like from smoking!” “Uh.. that looks like
a picture of Lindsay Lohan.” “What? What are you talking about?” “Oh yeah, that is Lindsay Lohan!
She was in the Parent Trap!” “I don’t know what the hell
you guys are talking about.” “All I can see is an infected,
diseased, disgusting lump of shit!” “Cause by years of self-abuse.” “That’s all I see.” The teacher would always make us go up
in front of the class and do presentations. “My presentation is called
‘Alcohol ruins your life’.” My sources are this book, “A Fifth of Scotch a Day
Keeps Your Family Away.” And an interview I did with my stepdad. But the drug and alcohol talk
was nothing, compared to sex ed. Because in sex ed your teacher
would say some shit, that you would never want
to hear them say again. “Okay everybody,
today we’re talking about the panis.” “I know some of your are
gonna be giggling every time I say it,” “but panis is just a word.” “P-A-N-I-S. PANIS” One day we were sitting in class, and the teacher taped
the bunch of STDs to the chalkboard. “Okay, now I know you guys are at
the age, where you’re going through puberty.” “And your body is starting
to go through changes.” “My body is changing?
What am I, a fucking anamorph?” “For example, you got Todd over there.” “He thinks he’s pretty cool, because
he’s got a few whiskers on his upper lip.” “Well Todd, you think your
shitty excuse of a mustache is gonna save you
from the horrors of gonorrhea?” “I don’t think so.” “All right, I want everybody to pick your
favourite sexually-transmitted disease and present it to class next Friday.” Well, I didn’t really know
what my favorite STD was, so I just picked chlamydia. Because chlamydia kinda
sounds like it could be like a Pokemon. – Chlamydia, I choose you, go!
– Blerp. So for this presentation, I decided to make
this big-ass poster board to show to the class. I got the word chlamydia written up top
in big-ass bubble-letters like an idiot. I’m standing at the bus stop
in the morning, people are driving by,
honking their horns and shit. “What the hell,
is that kid advertising chlamydia?” “Hey asshole, I got plenty of chlamydia
from my ex-wife, no thank you!” So I’m standing up there,
in front of the whole class. It’s worth noting,
that I absolutely hate speaking in public. Let alone, when I have to list off
all the goddamn symptoms for chlamydia. “Okay, if everybody can refer to
my big-ass obnoxious poster board, you can see, that the common
symptoms include a burning sensation, and a yellowish discharge.” “Oh God! A yellowish
discharge from the panis!” “Who the hell wants that in their life?” But I thought that was
the worst part of the health class, it was nothing,
compared to the Miracle of Life. Because The Miracle of Life
was the movie made in the 80s, that talks about
where babies come from. And at first, when the teacher
wheeled out that bad-boy TV on the cart, we were all kind of excited. “Oh hell yeah!
What are we watching? Ghost Busters?” “I hope we’re watching Ghost Busters!” “Today, kids, we’re gonna watch
the film ‘The Miracle of Life’.” “And it’s gonna take you step by step from when you were a weird little
shrimp person in your mom’s belly to the fully-functional
human being that you are today. So we start watching this movie,
and 95% of the movie is indeed what he said. It does show us how we go
from weird little shrimp monsters to a fully-functional human baby! But then, outta fucking nowhere,
it cuts to a woman giving birth to a baby. And it shows everything. This chick is spread-eagled,
the camera’s right in their business. Everybody in the class room is horrified. “Oh, what the fuck!” “Oh sick, I just ate chicken Parmesan
for lunch for Christ’s sake!” Meanwhile the teacher keeps pausing
the video to add commentary. “And here we can see
the baby’s head beginning to crown.” “It kinda looks like if you cut
an avocado in half, doesn’t it?” (Blerp!) “Oh boy, that is messy!
I hope that cameraman is wearing a poncho!” (Blerp!) “And that was
The Miracle of Life, everybody.” “All right, anybody have any questions?” “Ah, yeah, can I file
a restraining order against your ass?” “So you can never
show me that shit again?” After school we’re all outside, traumatized. There are kids
smoking cigarettes and shit. “That was not the fucking Ghost Busters!” “Hey, you’re not smoking
cigarettes out there, are you?” “Is this really what you wanna become in life?
Take a good look!” https://brewstew.com Special Thanks To: Josh Denny. Special Thanks To: (These wonderful people) &
All the other Patrons! https://www.patreon.com/brewstew https://shop.makeship.com/collections/brewstewfilms
https://www.Facebook.com/brewstewcom https://twitter.com/brewstewfilms

100 Comments

  • Reply Aidan Cole November 5, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    Make a video on why you hate lindset Lohan

  • Reply Lawdog104 November 5, 2019 at 10:37 pm

    Here’s a topic you can talk about tech decks

  • Reply IcyZT Trap November 5, 2019 at 10:39 pm

    Yooo, I haven’t watched u in 2 years and u hit a mil! So proud of u bro cuz I couldn’t wait for u to hit it

  • Reply LIL_R3D_77MXR November 6, 2019 at 12:37 am

    A fifth of scoth a day, keeps your family away

  • Reply LIL_R3D_77MXR November 6, 2019 at 12:40 am

    A fifth a scotch a day, keeps your family away 🤣🤣

  • Reply Jacob Keary November 6, 2019 at 2:02 am

    Blegh!

  • Reply lucifer s November 6, 2019 at 2:08 am

    you is virginia kid here

  • Reply Ashton Schubert November 6, 2019 at 2:39 am

    You have the best content you make me wheeze love the vids

  • Reply IBlueHusky I November 6, 2019 at 2:47 am

    I've been here since 600k subs

  • Reply Jimmy Etcitty November 6, 2019 at 5:26 am

    Dam I took health class in 6th grade now am 7th

  • Reply Leo Johns November 6, 2019 at 5:32 am

    P-A-N-I-S

  • Reply 安らかに眠る November 6, 2019 at 7:47 am

    you should make the scotty pimpin jersey merch

  • Reply KillerHax November 6, 2019 at 11:13 am

    I love to watch these videos when I'm bored sitting on the toilet.

  • Reply Squillion The squid November 6, 2019 at 5:09 pm

    Well done for reaching 1milllion good jog

  • Reply Andres Salinas November 6, 2019 at 7:13 pm

    U suck nathans Microsoft penis

  • Reply I have a soul November 6, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    BREWSTEW HIT 1 MILLON!!

  • Reply Get Wiggled November 6, 2019 at 11:04 pm

    We just did this in health, the miracle of life part.

  • Reply Sp00nism November 6, 2019 at 11:41 pm

    You reached 1m how do you feel

  • Reply Cowboys Mafia November 7, 2019 at 12:10 am

    I DON'T WANT HERPES ON MY PANIS

  • Reply Kelley Gemeiner November 7, 2019 at 2:16 am

    Hi

  • Reply Kelley Gemeiner November 7, 2019 at 2:25 am

    I been watching you for 3 years now also i am happy for you you hit 1million subs

  • Reply rec0il _1 November 7, 2019 at 5:17 am

    Yes the video was horrific and no it didn’t prepare me for my son being born whatsoever lol great times though

  • Reply Corey Leonard November 7, 2019 at 12:57 pm

    1M sup

  • Reply Jerry Smoke November 7, 2019 at 1:08 pm

    Anyone watch RUDAL

  • Reply Mike Carson November 7, 2019 at 1:35 pm

    is that thing a pokemon

  • Reply Botblox Ten November 7, 2019 at 4:48 pm

    I thought we were watching ghostbusters ;-;

  • Reply Jenson 521 November 7, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    Do a first cigarette video

  • Reply Ash Rain November 7, 2019 at 8:19 pm

    Good Job Tyler i'm happy for you.

  • Reply Krash McFlaggons November 7, 2019 at 8:56 pm

    This video is my new motivation to quit smoking. You've saved my life.

  • Reply Sheldon J Plankton November 8, 2019 at 1:56 am

    BrewStew, just came across your channel. Saw your Pokemon card video on Facebook and laughed my ass off. Had to find you on YouTube and immediately subscribe. Been watching your videos with the wife and laughing the entire time. Keep doing what you're doing guys. Thank you for the luls

  • Reply fire gaming tv November 8, 2019 at 2:32 am

    Brewstew have you ever had or played a game cube

  • Reply Epic Gamer November 8, 2019 at 3:01 am

    1 mil subs congrats

  • Reply OnlySky November 8, 2019 at 3:10 am

    Holy shit man how did you go from 400k to 1mil that fast

    Fucking hell

  • Reply ImAFrogOk November 8, 2019 at 3:51 am

    Everyone: No one is acknowledging he hit one mil!

    Also everyone: Acknowledging he hit one mil

  • Reply DeadMeat 3536 November 8, 2019 at 4:12 am

    I loved that "a fifth of scotch a day keeps your family away" throwback

  • Reply Joshua Byrd November 8, 2019 at 6:23 am

    https://www.doctorsopposingcircumcision.org/for-professionals/alleged-medical-benefits/hivaids/

  • Reply DJ Pendejo83099 November 8, 2019 at 7:00 am

    1 mill subs

  • Reply lightningfart 54 November 8, 2019 at 2:29 pm

    1 million

  • Reply gage nauditt November 8, 2019 at 3:26 pm

    Happy one million

  • Reply Thomas Alvarez November 8, 2019 at 5:03 pm

    Congratulations Tyler you got 1 million subscribers 🎂🥳

  • Reply The Original G Money November 8, 2019 at 7:09 pm

    I PASSED OUT WATCHING THAT EXACT BABY VIDEO!

  • Reply Rambo Gold November 8, 2019 at 10:11 pm

    Make more videos plz becomes you do good on video

  • Reply wilson bailey November 8, 2019 at 10:35 pm

    Dude you just hit 1 million subscribers make a video on it

  • Reply Dylan Aguilar November 9, 2019 at 2:49 am

    Alright

  • Reply fire gaming tv November 9, 2019 at 3:36 am

    brewstew make a video of dumb dreams part 2

  • Reply fire gaming tv November 9, 2019 at 3:36 am

    please

  • Reply Jayveon Rosemond November 9, 2019 at 9:39 am

    Pains means bread in Latin 😂😂😂😂😂

  • Reply Mystical-gods Gaming November 9, 2019 at 1:57 pm

    1 million 😃

  • Reply Parker Connolly November 9, 2019 at 6:41 pm

    🤢🤮

  • Reply Edward Altamirano November 9, 2019 at 7:19 pm

    If you didn’t watch the miracle of life in school you’re experience doesn’t count 😤

  • Reply Alluv November 9, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    1mil special
    Michael face reveal.

  • Reply Vtastic November 9, 2019 at 10:02 pm

    Yoooo 1M less go BrewStew

  • Reply RacingAce November 9, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    The panis

  • Reply unlucky the pickle November 9, 2019 at 11:28 pm

    ah, i remember the miracle of life, great movie

  • Reply American Nightmare November 9, 2019 at 11:54 pm

    I didn't see any video like that in my health class! We're so censored nowadays.

  • Reply SnowFlurryFilms November 10, 2019 at 12:04 am

    P A N I S

  • Reply ElijahYT12345 Roblox and more November 10, 2019 at 12:11 am

    Panis lol more like PENIS

  • Reply Oddchalk13 November 10, 2019 at 12:41 am

    Nice call back to A Fifth of scotch Keeps the Family Away

  • Reply Carlos Rodriguez November 10, 2019 at 12:59 am

    Ah my health class was crazy in 9th grade

  • Reply James Toy November 10, 2019 at 2:26 am

    Love your work. You are one messed up funny butthead.

  • Reply zion dennis November 10, 2019 at 5:00 am

    Hahahahaha!!!!😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

  • Reply Totally Not Cliche November 10, 2019 at 5:15 am

    I did sex education in 6th grade :/

  • Reply valentina mkhitaryan November 10, 2019 at 12:33 pm

    Congrats with 1M subscribers
    Your videos are so funny, love watching them

  • Reply Nemanja Krstic November 10, 2019 at 1:47 pm

    That was not the fucking ghost busters

  • Reply Fiery Saint November 10, 2019 at 3:23 pm

    What we all thought what the teacher said: penis

    What he actually said: P-A-N-I-S

  • Reply Anthony The Gacha November 10, 2019 at 3:36 pm

    NOPE ITS PENIS

  • Reply Tyree Mackall November 10, 2019 at 4:10 pm

    Did y'all she the baby-b-gone store 1:45

  • Reply Nx Gen November 10, 2019 at 4:37 pm

    PANIS.

  • Reply Blix 17 November 10, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    Yea my teacher showed us that movie with that scene as well. I'm still traumatised 7 years later.

  • Reply Das Snek November 10, 2019 at 8:34 pm

    I remember having to look at images of all the STD's. I'm still traumatized.

  • Reply Braxton Tucker November 10, 2019 at 8:54 pm

    That is hilarious 😂😆😆😄😄😆😂😂

  • Reply æ æ November 10, 2019 at 9:15 pm

    Wanna see my dimmadick

  • Reply PickleJuice November 10, 2019 at 10:58 pm

    That must have been a panis in the anis

  • Reply Manny C November 11, 2019 at 6:07 am

    Ur teacher looked like trumps future 2058

  • Reply Scarred Sniper21 November 11, 2019 at 6:45 am

    Omfg I’m dying lmao XD

  • Reply Jared Dubois November 11, 2019 at 12:01 pm

    Rip your eyes

  • Reply Eziquiel Vasquez November 11, 2019 at 12:04 pm

    I’m FUCKEN LATE

  • Reply Hydrogen Peroxide November 11, 2019 at 2:03 pm

    Aaron Carter I CHOOSE YOU

  • Reply Unknown User November 11, 2019 at 4:21 pm

    Lindsey Loham is Tyler’s Ex

  • Reply Nick Perro November 11, 2019 at 4:56 pm

    I am only about halfway through health, but the worst thing about my health teacher is that the majority of activities we do in class involve discussing something with the person next to us, when you can easily just figure it out yourself. So far we have done nutrition, which is just a several week lesson on every way processed food is trying to kill you, goal setting, which the only highlight is a project where we had to make up a goal and actually follow it over the two weeks it was assigned, and we just started mental health and only got into the basic things.

  • Reply Imitate 2.0 November 11, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    I have big peen

  • Reply Zpeedzy YT November 11, 2019 at 6:45 pm

    OUTRO SONG???

  • Reply Rainn Palmer November 11, 2019 at 7:13 pm

    Look at my big panis

  • Reply Traeten Janousek November 12, 2019 at 5:24 am

    I was happy when he said gostbusters

  • Reply buck wheat November 12, 2019 at 8:19 pm

    With internet porn everybody knows what a pussy and a penis look like

  • Reply Jake bacon November 12, 2019 at 11:08 pm

    Yeah, the miracle of life was a horrible video to watch.

  • Reply So Basically I’m Kason November 13, 2019 at 3:14 pm

    A fuck I remember the miracle of life sad part is they still use it my school district

  • Reply Lil_Cookie November 13, 2019 at 10:24 pm

    Health/Gym teacher: Okay we're learning about STDs

    Me and my bestie: looks at eachother OH NO, I got a disease! Walking round through your neighborhood, spreading all my fleas. Everybody's like, what you got? I'm like STDS!"

  • Reply DatGuy Miller November 13, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    PANIS!

  • Reply YT. Yeti November 14, 2019 at 12:00 am

    Video request: can you do a video about tommy. We don’t really know his backstory

  • Reply NO FAKES ALLOWED November 14, 2019 at 12:31 am

    rip to me my mom teaches sex ed at my school

  • Reply CommanderNate900 Lol November 14, 2019 at 2:12 am

    1:31 had me lol

  • Reply NitroChris 123 November 14, 2019 at 5:25 am

    0:23 t-series

  • Reply Big Boy November 14, 2019 at 9:17 am

    Thanks for making these videos, they help

  • Reply 13k13_exe November 14, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    I searched it up now it scared my whole life gImMe a CiGGreT

  • Reply Krispie Marie November 14, 2019 at 11:47 pm

    Lol aaran carter is not an std lol

  • Reply Dylan Anderson November 15, 2019 at 3:25 am

    P A N I S

  • Reply alex pratt November 15, 2019 at 3:14 pm

    The painus 😂🤣🤣🤣

  • Reply alex pratt November 15, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    You got your own catch phrase like me mackey instead of mkay it’s alright congratulations you’ll be a meme in a few days probably

  • Reply alex pratt November 15, 2019 at 3:17 pm

    Actually it’s a well known fact that thin spotty mustaches are vagina repellent unlike me my mustache make Floyd from the mustachery look like well idk some guy without a mustache or something yeah fuck you

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