Alleviating Secondhand Smoke —Clip from The Leaders Spouse Part II

March 7, 2020

Are you used to be called a secondhand smoke? Why don’t you tell us where the term came from and how a leader spouse gets the secondhand smoke. Yeah, it’s one of my favorite images for
being the spouse of a pastor. I had a neighbor growing up who developed emphysema which is a lung disease from smoke. The thing is though she never smoked but
there were other smokers in the house so she developed emphysema from secondhand smoke and I said, Man, that is such a powerful image for what it feels like to be the spouse of a pastor. As most people know pastors have one of the most hazardous professions known in terms of mental health, physical health, emotional
health, etc. And by nature being married to a pastor, the spouse then has a hazardous profession as well because they’re internalizing a lot of the pressure that comes at the spouse directly, their pastor, husband or wife but they’re also getting a lot of pressure and invisible stuff coming at
them. Like for example people’s expectations, etc. and so just really really important to be aware of the second hand smoke that you are getting via your spouse or the people’s expectations as one example. In our case, Pete is a very big external processor
and so I get a lot of secondhand smoke because he just processed everything
kind of that was happening at church out loud but over the years we actually
learned how to create boundaries around that because I did not need to
hear everything that was happening and he didn’t need to say everything that
was happening and that helps a lot in terms of secondhand smoke but I also had to learn how to grow in my own boundaries, learn how to clarify expectations with people, etc.

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